COVID Chronicles, 7-29-20

As we all keep figuring things out during this slow-moving car crash known as the pandemic, I find myself of two minds (maybe more?). On one hand I will admit that the slower pace of these last few months has been beneficial... I am sleeping more consistently, eating better, reading more books of substance, and learning a great deal about how to listen more attentively to my head, heart and body.

All good things, right?? Absolutely. Ho-o-w-e-v-v-e-r-r-r-r... There is also a gnawing dread that lurks just out of range of my consciousness that pops up at inopportune times (often at 3am when I get up to go to the bathroom). It causes my chest to tighten and my mind to spin out various catastrophic scenarios that include delightful things like Social Security disappearing and the world economy collapsing. Melatonin can't kick in fast enough during those anxious moments.

So in the midst of just trying to make a living (thankfully, that part seems to be working... for now), and managing daily life in ever-changing and increasingly bizarre ways, I am also trying to keep my head tentatively above the fray and not stay immersed in a bunker mentality. What do I mean by "above the fray"? Naive as it sounds, I might be trying to make lemons out of lemonade. Or just looking for some ways to remain creative and hopeful amidst daunting unknowns.

Thus I am gently launching at least a few posts to share what that looks like for me week to week. Content will include recipes I am trying out, books I am reading, quotes I am pondering, podcasts or shows or movies I am taking in, and once in awhile, perhaps some BIG THOUGHTS. Tell me what you think.

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FOOD
Like most people (I think?), I am eating at home every day. And as quarantine really got my attention in early April, I discovered something rather jarring when I got my first credit card bill under quarantine: I ate out a lot. A LOT more than I thought. Like, credit-card-balance-nearly-cut-in-half a lot! Sure, some of those meals were work-related meals, and there was a bit of work-related travel, but there was still a fair amount of coffee here, coffee there, quick tacos during errands, meeting friends for lunch, etc. I'm not saying it was horribly wrong; it was just more than was necessary.

So quarantine has got me digging deeper back into patterns I first established during the "Great" Recession of 2009 ("Great" seems pretty minor compared to now... sheesh). I first wrote about it all here in this link. All that to say, I have been recommitting to local produce, eating seasonally and organically as much as I can.

The best place to start is with a membership with a local Community-Supported Agriculture (CSA) program. My hometown favorite is Local Harvest Delivery, which is I LOVE because 1) it gets delivered; 2) I can decline a week if I go out of town or still am trying to eat this week's produce; and 3) I can opt out of the stuff I know I won't eat.

Even then, I still have to push myself to get creative with vegetables I may not have chosen at the grocery store, but are part of what's in season. It's caused me to fall in love with many new vegetables. I'm definitely suffering!

These past two weeks I have made these side dishes, all with CSA veggies:

• Caprese Salad 
• Grilled Cauliflower "steaks" 
• Cucumber Salad
• And yes, Zoodles, with which I covered in a vegan cheese sauce that I found to be quite tasty.

Don't get bored with your cooking ~ get creative.

PODCASTS

I wish I wish I wish I could figure out a way to make a living listening to podcasts. It is hands-down my favorite form of entertainment. I listen to podcasts on bike rides and walks, when I vacuum, when I make my morning coffee, when I brush my teeth at night... you get the picture.

I won't list the MANY podcasts I like and listen to. But here are my three newest favorites:

1. Make Me Smart. A quick 15-minute summary of trends in technology, culture and the economy five days a week. The repartee between the two hosts is natural and enjoyable and, I'm not gonna lie, they make me smart. At least a little bit more.
2. Future Perfect. I'm just digging into this one, but the first one I listened to had me dialed in every. single. minute. It was a fascinating discussion between a rabbi and an agnostic on how to make sense of suffering. It aired July 7. Tune in.
3. Evolving Faith. I'm an unabashed fan of Sarah Bessey and Jeff Chu, the hosts, who co-created the Evolving Faith conference with one of my heroes, Rachel Held Evans. These episodes are from past conferences.

HABITS

I have developed two new habits during quarantine:

• reading poetry and contemplative quotes before going to bed;
• using a writing prompt generator during mental health breaks while working.

HUH? Tell me more, you say?

The poetry and quote reading kicked in sometime in May when anxiety was slowly building and I having a bit of a hard time falling asleep. Regular reading habits weren't cutting it. I needed something to slow me down more. And bring in... Mary Oliver. I truly believe her poetry could quite possibly solve everything wrong in the world. I somehow landed on her compilation Devotions on Kindle for $1.99 and off I went. Now I'm on to Thomas Merton quotes and they are also so good, in an entirely different way. Both access my heart and soul in ways that quiet the little Gnawing Dread Demons that like to taunt me at night, and I am sleeping better.

The writing prompt generator idea came from an article I read on how to fight the struggle to focus and maintain productivity while working from home. So periodically, when I am zoomed-out or SICK of email or who knows what, I will pop open a new tab and plug in this link from self-publishing.com. Try it ~ you might like it.

Final reflection.

I read this this morning as I prayed about my day, not wanting to get so mad at those I do not agree with. It punched me in the gut. In a good way.

“When you understand, you cannot help but love. . . . To develop understanding, you have to practice looking at all living beings with the eyes of compassion. When you understand, you love. And when you love, you naturally act in a way that can relieve the suffering of people.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks for reading. If you're at all interested in my work-related stuff, go to www.ksleadershipdevelop.me. Make it a good week!

New Ideas to Head into the New Decade

I'm still in a bit of a turkey-and-pie-and-too-much-food-in-general coma from Thanksgiving, but as I slowly ease back into some sort of work rhythm, I'm excited to share a few things I came across in the last month. I hope these might give you some ideas and energy as you approach... 2020!

Godspeed. If you want to be totally refreshed and encouraged at a new (which is actually quite ancient) idea for "doing church," set aside 45 minutes or so to watch this. Then watch it with a church staff, or small group, or fellow pilgrims. I LOVED IT. I don't want to say much more. Just watch it.

Wanna Form a Band?! I played in pep and orchestral band in high school (picture me and my flute tooting "Ease On Down the Road" -- or don't...); my brother often plays in cover bands; my mom used to be in a ukulele band.... but sorry, I'm not talking about that kind of band. Good ol' John Wesley, his brother Charles, and George Whitefield started a little accountability and prayer group at Oxford that their friends mockingly called "the Holy Club." But out of that little group eventually emerged massive revival and transformation across England and eventually the US. A core aspect of the movement revolved around these tight little groups, which they called "bands." This link provides a 21st Century approach to forming such a group. Check it.

Celebrating Abundance: Devotions for Advent by Walter Brueggemann. I try to find a poignant, challenging, not-cheesy devotional every year for Advent, and folks, I found a WINNER this year. It's not too late, if you're still looking! Here's a quote that rang my bell:

In Advent, however, we receive the power of God that lies beyond us. This power is the antidote to our fatigue and cynicism. It is the gospel resolution to our spent self-sufficiency, when we are at the edge of our coping. It is the good news that will overmatch our cynicism that imagines there is no new thing that can enter our world. (my underlining) 

Let me know if you get a copy and we can exchange favorite quotes over and over... Brueggemann is such a gift.

Lectionary Poetry. This seems like a gold mine. Take a peek. It certainly tugs at my English major heart.

Final thoughts...
If I'm being honest, I'm a little ambivalent about December... for 11 years, Decembers were spent feverishly preparing for ski or winter camp that happened the week between Christmas and New Year's, and at the same time doing year-end fundraising to end the year in the black, however small that might be. I was always sick and exhausted by the end of the trip. And then for 15 years of working with the church, many preparations were needed for multiple celebrations and services. Often I was in charge of really big stuff like the candles at Christmas Eve (and scraping the spilled wax off the carpet afterward...) and turning off the lights at just the right moment for Silent Night.

What am I getting at? That the Christmas season has not always been easy street for some of us, not the warm, cozy time of Hallmark specials. I don't say that to feel sorry for myself, but to give myself permission (and perhaps a few of you) to not feel pressure to make this the. most. magical. time. of. the. year.

But I still do want to look for beauty and hope in unexpected places. I'll be gentle with myself (and hopefully others!) and keep Brueggemann's words from today's reading in mind:

But let me tell you the news that is proclaimed in Christ’s coming, about which we are reminded at every Communion service: Jesus has turned the world into abundance. God is the gift who keeps on giving, and the people around Jesus are empowered to receive abundance and therefore to act generously... We are recipients of enough and enough and more than enough, enough and enough and more than enough to share.

Have a lovely month of abundance. Thanks for reading.

November 2019 News: Healing, Hard Conversations, Handouts and Healthy Spirituality

My work this month introduced me to some excellent resources that I really want to pass along to you. Please let me know if any of them are helpful.

I’m not praying for healing. This one was written by one of my dearest friends. I cannot recommend it enough. Please pass it along to anyone suffering from long-term illness or deep struggle. I think they will find it giving words to something that has been indescribable for them.

How to Handle Difficult Conversations. Both in my decades of ministry and in my current life of consulting in the private sector, I find this topic comes up so many times. This is a valuable one to keep handy. And while you're at it, bookmark the Psychology Today website. There are often surprisingly good resources there, written in accessible, non-threatening terms.

Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) Free Library. I am ALL about free goodies and there is some great stuff here. I know the folks at FYI and this website is solid gold.

Healthy Spirituality. OK, this is actually more of a topic than one resource because I found so many good articles this month. Check these out!

• Leaving (My) Church. SO MANY conversations rolled around in my head as I read this one. You may find yourself nodding your head at times as you read it.
• Is American Christianity Really In Free Fall? I especially appreciate this one because it is written by one of the great scholars of world Christianity, Philip Jenkins. He offers some excellent reflections on methodology in terms of the research coming out and also on how we are to understand how we measure our faith identity in the 21st-century. For example: "Here is an interesting question: if someone believes in God, prays frequently, reads the Bible, and regards themselves as Christian, but rejects a denominational affiliation – even something as broad as Protestant or Catholic – should they properly be counted as Christian? I would say so, unequivocally."
• The (Successful) Pursuit of God: Family, Work, Ministry, and the Ghost of A.W. Tozer. Holy cow, this one is a humdinger. Take some time to read this once, then again. It is worth a discussion with staff and colleagues. And it is so beautifully written, to boot.

I'll finish with these wise words from one of my heroes, Walter Brueggemann:

“Humanness depends on being faithfully heard. And being faithfully heard depends on risky speech of self-disclosure uttered in freedom before a faithful listener.” 

Thanks for reading. You can find more of my leadership development resources at my other blog, https://www.ksleadershipdevelop.me, and on my resource drive, KSLD Resources. Contact me with questions, comments and feedback at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. 

October 2019 Update: Millennials, Middle Schoolers and Milestones

Two different conversations with pastors this week have got me thinking about all the different ways those in vocational ministry walk through the multiple stages of life with people. One pastor asked me for my thoughts on how to recruit interns (and let me tell you, I have a LOT of opinions about that!) and the other reflected with me on the challenges of shepherding elderly members well.

With those conversations in mind, here are some resources that proved useful in my work with clients in the past month...

The Millennial Existential Experience. I know, I know, there have been So. Many. Articles. About. Millennials. How could there possibly be one more?! Well, I feel like this one provides a different take. I started following this blogger after his reading his book The New Copernicans: Millennials and the Survival of the Church (which I recommend highly, PS). This particular blog post lists some pertinent stuff regarding the profound anxiety that younger generations are experiencing. For the sake of confidentiality I will be spare in my details, but in recent conversations with college students, I was truly shaken by the prevalence of struggles they faced with mental health, family pressures and a general sense of being overwhelmed by their futures. Take a few minutes and reflect on this one.

Turning 60. Now we swing to another ring further along the monkey bars of life...  This sentence in the first paragraph grabbed my attention: "here are a few things turning 60 in 2019—the Barbie doll, Etch a Sketch, the commercial copier, the microchip, transpacific flights, Alaska and Hawaii as states." YIKES. That hits a bit close to home! The author provides three really helpful, thought-provoking suggestions for navigating the big 6-0 and more importantly, how to age intentionally. This will provide some good conversation fodder, I promise.

Tell Me More. As a graduate of Fuller Seminary and former youthworker, I am impressed by these resources that I came upon recently.  I HIGHLY recommend that you pass them along to parents, teachers, and youth ministry leaders:

• Tell me more: 8 conversations to have with your new middle school student
• Tell me more: 8 questions to ask your high school freshman

Each of them come with a nifty, concise PDF download of the questions from the articles. PS I would pass these along to parents of pre-teens (tweens? I don't know the right term...) as well. Preparing parents of adolescents when their students are actually adolescents is pretty much too late! Let's get crackin'!

This says it all.

“Those who are weak have great difficulty finding their place in our society. The image of the ideal human as powerful and capable disenfranchises the old, the sick, the less-abled. For me, society must, by definition, be inclusive of the needs and gifts of all its members. How can we lay claim to making an open and friendly society where human rights are respected and fostered when, by the values we teach and foster, we systematically exclude segments of our population? I believe that those we most often exclude from the normal life of society, people with disabilities, have profound lessons to teach us. When we do include them, they add richly to our lives and add immensely to our world.”

―Jean Vanier, Becoming Human

Thanks for reading... feel free to pass this along to others. Contact me with feedback and questions at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. And check out my other blog while you're at it, devoted to leadership development in the marketplace, at https://www.ksleadershipdevelop.me/

Sept 2019 Update: Pastors in the 21st Century, Prosperity and Pursuit of the Good Life

I heard an argument on a podcast today between a woman who claimed that September 1 signals the end of summer, while someone else insisted on the Autumnal Equinox.  All I know is that #PSL is already available at Starbucks, so there you have it!

I had a GREAT August full of bike rides, travels, fresh produce and interesting work. As always, I came across many outstanding resources I want to share with you.

What is the Good Life? I went to a tremendous conference at Pepperdine University hosted by the Yale Center for Faith & Culture titled "Pedagogy of the Good Life." (Here's an article about the Center from the Huffington Post.) 

Turns out there are several amazing courses being taught around the country that explore the question, "What is the Good Life?" I believe this is our most pressing task for the church (creating dialogue and discipleship around this question). So many young adults I know are asking some form of this question. Will the Church be brave enough to truly engage this sort of dialogue? That's what I wanted to explore at this conference, and I was not disappointed. I found the discussions and presentations throughout the week utterly riveting. Here are just a smidgen of the resources I found:

• Life Worth Living curriculum. The faculty generously make their syllabus available publicly. Truly, I find their approach really intriguing. And it is the MOST popular class at Yale; so many students want to take this class that they have to actually require applications for taking the course! Here is the 7-week course they've created for adults as well. 
• God and the Good Life. An equally amazing course (and just as popular) is being taught at Notre Dame. First of all, the tech design of this syllabus is breathtaking! Think about adapting this and using it with a small group or perhaps even (gasp!) as a sermon series. I love the home page of this course as well.
• Let Me Ask You a Question. This book was written by Matthew Croasmun, one of the creators of the Life Worth Living course at Yale. Bottom line: I BELIEVE in this book as a truly outstanding discipleship tool. Just buy it and try it out.

The Challenge of Being a Pastor in a Secular Age. The third sentence of this article caught my attention: "'I’ve been a pastor for 15 years, and most days I have no idea what I’m doing. It makes me nauseous,' he continued." I have had that conversation with so. many. pastors. The article continues: "He’s not alone. I find myself talking with more and more pastors stricken with uneasy nausea and fatigue that they can’t name. It’s as though their calling has been stripped of meaning... We now live in a time where the very idea that God is real and present in our lives is no longer accepted. Indeed, it’s widely contested. Belief has been made fragile -- for the pastor as much as for those in the pews." This article won't solve our existential questions, but I find great encouragement in seeing them put into words.

A New Kind of Prosperity Gospel. I am fascinated by how our world is seeking to scratch our need for meaning and purpose. Recently I came across two articles that examine this in very interesting ways. Check this quote from Relevant Magazine: "The Prosperity Gospel is no longer houses, cars, money and health. The New Prosperity Gospel is a hip city and a follower count that ends with a K." The other article was in the New York Times: The New Spiritual Consumerism. We MUST stay attuned to our culture. These articles are helpful roadmaps.

Books I'm Reading. Other than seeing some BEAUTIFUL places (this was the view from the AirB&B I stayed at in Maine with my best friend!) and eating some great food (hello lobster and Whoopie Pies!), my favorite vacation activity is the freedom to read to my heart's content. Here are some of the things I've been reading:

• How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram Kendi. Very thought-provoking and provocative at the same time. The New Yorker also did a fascinating article about it.
• Enneagram Transformations: Releases and Affirmations for Healing Your Personality Type by Don Richard Riso. Yep, I'm on the Enneagram bandwagon. I've been riding it for a couple of years and finding it tremendously helpful for my own spiritual formation. I bought the $1.99 Kindle version of this but can't currently find it.
• Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers by Anne Lamott. She never fails to make me laugh out loud AND journal at the same time.
• An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor. Fondly called "BBT" by many, I found this a great devotional read.

Final thoughts. These words are remaining with me still despite reading them several days ago. Let them sink in:

What is in ruins? The invisible church, composed of all Spirit-baptized persons, is indefectible, it cannot be ruined; against it "the gates of Hades shall not prevail." The local assembly may indeed be sadly ruined; but it can be restored, as, by the grace of God, has been seen times without number--at Corinth, for example. The only other institution in question is that agglomeration of sects that is called "Christendom." But that is unrecognized by the New Testament--it is not of God at all: and that it is "in ruins" is no matter for our regret.

    ... G. H. Lang (1874-1958)

Feel free to pass this along to friends, and reach out to me with questions or feedback at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. Happy end of Summer 2019 ~ may your fall be a lovely one!

August 2019 Resources: Attendance, Academia, Apps & Addiction to Power

Hope your summer has offered respites from work in some new and surprising ways. I got home late last night from the Rose Bowl, where a bunch of us reveled in the victory tour of the US Women's National Soccer Team. It was a hoot, and I celebrated halfway through with a bacon-wrapped hot dog! #noshame

In the midst of fun has been plenty of work too, and here are some great resources I've stumbled upon during those times.

How to attend a conference without feeling overwhelmed. In mid-July I participated in an international, quadrennial conference for my denomination in Orlando, Florida. The heat was oppressive and the air conditioning cranked on overload, but what was most challenging was the multi-tasking! Between the "how-are-you's" and meetings and over-stimulation of twice-daily worship times, I felt flooded as I tried to also serve as a delegate for important discussions around racism, poverty and injustice AND run a 3-day focus group on leadership development.  Some of the suggestions in this article didn't apply to my experience (I couldn't NOT stay at the conference hotel), but I give a giant YES and HALLELUJAH to the third suggestion of planning for downtime. This is a gamechanger. I repeat, GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO NOT GO TO EVERYTHING. I have another conference this week (in Malibu, CA, thankyouverymuch) and I've already mapped out my breaks. #justdoit.

Jesus, Judaism & Christianity. I am always on the hunt for more academic input to keep those intellectual, theological and spiritual juices flowing. This is a fascinating interview from a Jewish NT scholar who teaches at a seminary, on interpreting the Jewishness of Jesus. And while you're in learning mode, listen as well to this informative podcast from Harvard Business Review on the history of US involvement in Central America titled The Controversial History of United Fruit. It helps to explain the massive instability now existing in Central America and explains some of the reasons for the migrant crisis south of our border. It is crucial that we understand and educate others about the context around this huge and divisive issue.

These 5 free apps make it easy to improve your writing. I finished teaching a class in June at Westmont College and was reminded once again that the majority of people do not know how to write coherent sentences. (Yes, I'm a snobby former-and-eternal English major.) But being a good writer is a commitment, and there are some great resources available here.

Power & Wise Boundaries. I just listened to this yesterday from Pete Scazzero. Apparently there is a worksheet available with it (he explains that at the beginning). I would HIGHLY recommend this for a staff meeting or mentoring.

Quotes that moved me this month.

“The one journey that ultimately matters is the journey into the place of stillness deep within one’s self. To reach that place is to be at home; to fail to reach it is to be forever restless. In contemplation we catch a vision of not only what is, but what can be. Contrary to what we have thought, contemplatives are the great doers." 

--Gordon Cosby, Founder of Church of the Saviour

"In his spiritual classic Abandonment to Divine Providence, Jean-Pierre de Caussade wrote that the single most important concern of the soul is to seek and accept the present moment." 

--Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits 

"Our union with God--his presence with us, in which our aloneness is banished and the meaning and full purpose of human existence is realized -- consists chiefly in a conversational relationship with God while we are each consistently and deeply engaged as his friend and co-laborer in the affairs of the kingdom of the heavens." 

--Dallas Willard 

Blessings to you! Feel free to pass this along to others. Contact me at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me with questions or comments. 

 

 

 

I'm Back! Resources for July 2019

I have allowed this website to go dormant for a while as I have been developing resources in leadership development for my marketplace consulting clients. You can find that website at KS Leadership Development.

Nevertheless, I am still working with some churches and want to share some great stuff I've been reading and using. Here goes!

The Benefits of Brokenness. A dear friend and colleague of mine turned me on to this author's website quite a while ago. I really value his reflections and often uses resources with my marketplace clients as well. He has a great understanding of holistic, healthy, humble leadership. I especially liked his references to "leadership with a limp" in this post.

Centering Prayer with Cynthia Borgeault. I listen to podcasts like it's my job. Seriously, I probably listen to at least three a day. I can be brushing my teeth, exercising, or making dinner, and I will be listening to a podcast. This one comes from one of my favorites and I will confess that I might like it just because the hosts are British and I'm a sucker for accents. But this particular interview has stayed with me for quite a while.

Embracing a Post-Christian America. When I am not listening to podcasts I can often be thinking about what it means to work with younger generations. If you know me at all you know that I have spent my entire career working with young people directly, first as a youth pastor and then as a college instructor. I really feel like the American church is missing the boat with this generation and it breaks my heart. This particular blog is one that I follow to help stir the pot in terms of my thinking. He wrote an intriguing book a few years ago titled The New Copernicans.  I think it does a good job of exploring the mindset of younger adults and cultural trends globally.

What am I reading? Like my podcasts, I tend to work on more than one book at a time. Here is what is cooking:

• The Prophetic Imagination by Walter Brueggemann. A stunning classic written 40 years ago that has aged very well. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it is still quite prophetic.
• When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions by Sue Monk Kidd.  Not the most profound book I've ever read, but really thoughtful and tender-hearted. I'm using it in my devotional reading in the mornings. I like it.
• The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois. I took a challenge from the theologian and sociologist Soong Chan Rah at a conference a few years ago to be intentional about reading from non-white writers and theologians.  This is all part of that journey. I can't wait to get started on this one.

Thanks for reading. Send me your thoughts, feedback and questions at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me.

The Art of Mentoring, Part One

I have been asked to provide a workshop on mentoring in the 21st century for an upcoming conference in March, so in I decided to post two simple questions on Facebook in preparation:

Have you been mentored well? 

What were some of the qualities of that mentoring relationship that were most effective?

Frankly, I am surprised that I did this because in the past, I have posted questions on Facebook, and despite having 1,800+ "friends," have received minimal response. (Then again, I get the most likes and commentary for an occasional photo of my cat, so...)  

Nevertheless, I have been greatly encouraged by the depth and quality of feedback these latest questions have prompted. The variety has been wonderful: both men and women responded in equal measure, from fresh college grads to septuagenarians.

Some pithy quotes:

 The person thought me capable of more than I thought I was.

They lived and let me watch them do it.

Vulnerability and authenticity for sure. The ability to be myself. Both encouragement and critique -- always refining what can be better while affirming what I'm doing well. Sometimes I need to be pushed!

Regular quantity and quality time—holistic in nature: we discussed everything (faith, theology, marriage, work, plumbing, gardening, etc).

In this stage of life for me (young kids and plenty of chaos at home) I have seen the “walk along side of me” way become really meaningful.

I enjoyed each and every response, but my greatest takeaway was simple: clearly I had touched a chord. The earnest and beautiful replies demonstrated a great thankfulness and affection for their mentors. It was obvious that the mentoring had met and deep and tangible needs:

• to be loved unconditionally; 
• to be known;
• to be noticed; 
• to be believed in; 
• to be challenged;
• to have mutual vulnerability and exchange;
• to have a consistent presence.

Having been mentored well myself, and then having had the privilege of mentoring others over three decades, my most pressing questions relate to what is needed now in mentoring (especially with young adults), and what truths remain constant. All too often I see leaders tend to lean on methods and approaches that worked effectively in the past without examining whether current dynamics and contexts require new pathways.

I will save that for another post, as I keep mining the wisdom of others and reflect more on my own experience. Feel free to post your thoughts.

Soif Work Hacks. October 2017

Hey Friends, the gap between now and my last post gives an indication that I have been keeping busy doing something besides blogging! I'm happy to report that I continue to be gainfully employed in a wide variety of ways, all of which are interesting and fulfilling.

I have especially received more opportunities to assist clients with leadership development. What does this look like? Meeting with executives to help them map out their management and leadership more strategically; training younger employees in how to lead teams; partnering with companies in creating smarter structures internally...

I could not have predicted this new trajectory of work, but I'm loving it! In the midst of it all, I am working hard to maintain a bank of useful (as opposed to #wasteoftime or #totallyobvious) articles that touch on many of the topics that come up in my client conversations.

So here are a few articles from that treasure trove. Hope you find one or two useful! If you want to share any feedback or ask follow-up questions, email me at ksleadershipdevelopment@gmail.com. Ciao for now.

These To-Do List Methods Will Help You Finally Get Organized. I got this article from Fast Company magazine and honestly, I should list that as a separate hack! I find this magazine engaging, readable and a great way to keep up on cultural, technological and professional trends (though I'll admit I sometimes don't even understand what they're talking about!) There are not one but NINE different to-do list methods given here... c'mon! How can you go wrong? This is one of the main conversations I have with clients: HOW DO I GET EVERYTHING DONE AND STILL HAVE A LIFE?! Check out this list - I'm a fan of #4 and #6, personally.

Stop Letting Email Control Your Work Day. Yep, I could list Harvard Business Review as another magazine hack. And the best shortcut is hbr.org -- their blogs are actually helpful. As for email, I know, I know... it's a necessary evil in our lives. But let's be honest, I like email better than talking on the phone! So repeat after me: "Email is not evil... Email is my friend." This article breaks it down and helps you get the power back. This sentence says it all: "Clearly, we need to learn to make email work for us and re-frame it as a tool for executing on our priorities."

How to Work from Home When You Have Kids. I work from home and have done so for many years... before it was cool, even. BUT I only have two needy cats, not children! I often encourage clients to look into creating some space at home for concentrated "head down" work, where they won't get interrupted by colleagues popping in or ever-present requests to come to yet another meeting, and many have found it helpful. HOWEVER, if you have children, this requires some strategy. Hope this article provides some pointers.

21st Century Fundraising Realities. Many of my clients are in the non-profit world, where I have spent the bulk of my career. This one's for you ! But to quote Bob Dylan, the times, they are a-changing. As this article states, "Donors appear to want to be more directly involved and many gravitate to smaller groups where it might seem like their dollar goes further." This article highlights many of the new trends in fundraising. Have no fear, there is hope.

How to Manage Someone Who Thinks Everything is Urgent. Hey, I feel your pain. I had a client years ago who described her boss as a "hair-on-fire" sort of leader. She dreaded his emails, texts and meetings. If you have to work with someone like this, there are some good ideas here to help you cope.

Not Good Leadership Material? Good. The World Needs Followers. I totally dig this article! It's written by Susan Cain, who gained some fame in writing a book last year titled "Quiet" about being an introvert. As someone who has spent nearly her entire life trying to understand what "leadership" is all about, from running senior prom to running a private school to training seventy adult volunteers to training interns, I never plumb the depths of all there is to learn about leadership. This article names a very important aspect of leadership: followership! Not only does Cain provide some valuable insights regarding the ways we are all gifted differently, but she also shines a light on our celebrity-obsessed, power-worshipping culture. Don't skip it.

Strengths Finder Frequency. There's a good chance if I've had you as a client that I've talked about Strengths Finder with you. It never fails to provide excellent information on how you work and how others might get things done. This is a fun and useful chart that describes the overall frequency of each of the strengths among the millions who have taken the Strengths Finder assessment. Let me know if you want me to "translate" this chart. Enjoy!

I'll end with this: I'm reading Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr right now. It's a fantastic and humbling collection of his sermons. This quote stopped me cold last night:

Why should we love our enemies? The first reason is fairly obvious.

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness

to a night already devoid of stars.

Pause. Reflect. Act.

In any given week my clients range across a wonderful spectrum: small business owners, college administrators (presidents, provosts, deans), denominational leaders, executive directors of non-profits, pastors, and sometimes just someone in their mid-thirties trying to navigate a career change. While their contexts vary widely (from the Pacific Northwest, Chicago, St. Louis, Phoenix, all over Southern California), and their responsibilities span from a struggling church of 75 to managing a multi-million dollar budget, invariably I find one thing in common: each person is nearly overwhelmed by the variety of tasks and voices clamoring for their attention. Stress levels are high, imaginary scenarios of quitting everything, buying a van and living off the land are toyed with (#vanlife), and meanwhile email inboxes pile higher every day.

When I come on the scene, I start by spending a great deal of time listening, trying to take in all their concerns and crises, roadblocks and risks, and details and dilemmas. Once that happens, we slowly work together to map a plan forward. Rather than "solve" everything for them, my greater goal is to equip them with some tools for managing the many demands differently. Sure, we do assessments, mind-maps, SWOT analyses, strategic plans and all that, but my job is not finished if I have not had the more important conversation of all: do you have margin in your life? In other words, do you regularly (read, "consistently," "weekly") take time to reflect on your life's purpose, relationships, career and questions?

If this is a whole new concept or things are seriously sideways, I often recommend that a person reads the book Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard Swenson. It really helps someone sort through the seemingly hopeless tangle of responsibilities and fears surrounding a stressed-out life. 

If reading a book seems like too much to take on, I read an article today that is a great start: Why You Should Make the Time for Self-Reflection (Even If You Hate Doing It) from Harvard Business Review. Here is a thoughtful paragraph that comes early on:

At its simplest, reflection is about careful thought. But the kind of reflection that is really valuable to leaders is more nuanced than that. The most useful reflection involves the conscious consideration and analysis of beliefs and actions for the purpose of learning. Reflection gives the brain an opportunity to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning. This meaning becomes learning, which can then inform future mindsets and actions. For leaders, this “meaning making” is crucial to their ongoing growth and development.

I am hoping this has won you over into reading the article because it's good (and did I mention it's brief?!). But if you're still coming up with evasive excuses like, "I don't run my own business," or "I'm not really a leader..." I want to stop you up short by slightly modifying the author's list of ways to inch into habits of reflection. Use these questions to start:

What are you avoiding?

How are you helping your friends/family achieve their goals?

How are you not helping or even hindering their progress?

How might you be contributing to your least enjoyable relationship?

How could you have been more clear in a recent conversation/argument?

We live in a noisy world where we can be over-stimulated, distracted, and bored all at the same time. One of the great tragedies of this is that a person is left not even knowing what they think or feel. So before I try to "fix" whatever problem my clients are having, I know it is far better to ask them how they are doing and how we might work together to help them build some self-awareness, self-discipline and self-care. 

Yeah, I'll admit it: that's a lot of "self's." But for me it's analogous to the safety drill on the airplane. (You know where this is going...) Please put the mask on yourself before you try to be everyone else's hero. As the HBR article concludes:

Ask for help. For most leaders, a lack of desire, time, experience, or skill can get in the way of reflection.  Consider working with a colleague, therapist, or coach to help you make the time, listen carefully, be a thought partner, and hold you accountable.

I agree. Turn off your device right now and go do it....

A Treasure Hidden in the Field

For this summer, one of my main tasks has been to do some reading, research and long-term planning related to strategic initiatives in youth ministry and education with the Free Methodist Church in Southern California. Last week I read a book titled Bonhoeffer as Youthworker and it fed me in a multitude of ways. The first section (the majority of the book, really) is a fascinating, very readable biography of Bonhoeffer that especially focuses on the fact that he worked with young people for the majority of his career, and how that shaped his writing and calling.

What I was reminded of so powerfully throughout was Bonhoeffer's classic teaching from Cost of Discipleship, a book I first read in my impressionable 20's. So I am slowly going back and reviewing some of his writing (Life Together as well), which are having new meaning for me as I pray about reformation in the church (especially in the US) as we approach the 500th anniversary of the Reformation on Oct 31, 2017.

Rather than wax pathetically on all this, I will simply invite you to cook on Bonhoeffer's words yourself. Allow yourself some time to let them sink in, stir the pot, perhaps trouble you. They certainly have had that effect on me.

Cheap grace means grace sold on the market like cheapjacks' wares. The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices. Grace is represented as the Church's inexhaustible treasury, from which she showers blessings with generous hands, without asking questions or fixing limits. Grace without price; grace without cost! The essence of grace, we suppose, is that the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing. Since the cost was infinite, the possibilities of using and spending it are infinite. What would grace be if it were not cheap?... 

Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate. 

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him. 

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock. 

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: "ye were bought at a price," and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God. 

When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.

Side note: in more than one conversation, friends and clients have commented on the struggle to make time to read. I am with you on this. Here's a practical article on how to make it happen.

At Home in This Life ~ Some Thoughts

Occasionally I receive books to review, and to be honest, some go directly into the gift-giving pile. Perhaps their title doesn't grab me, I am already neck-deep in three other books, or the blurb on the back makes no sense to me...

A candidate for the gift-giving pile arrived earlier this week. The title didn't connect for me: At Home in This Life. It looked vaguely like something for stay-at-home moms, which I am not. The subtitle, "Finding Peace at the Crossroads of Unraveled Dreams and Beautiful Surprises" sounded like a line from Lifetime television. Bleah.

But something stopped me: the book felt really good in my hands. I can't quite describe it, but the paper and the heft of it sort of reminded me of the old Sears-Roebuck catalog we got when we were kids. And those invited me to look inside, so last Saturday night I opted to give a test-drive to this book rather than zone out on a movie from Apple TV.

I'm not gonna lie, I nearly put it down a couple of times at the start. I was encouraged by an opening quote by St. Teresa of Avila, but then she starts whining about wanting a house in the country and I rolled my eyes and thought, Not another mommy blogger with first-world problems... I find these books predictable: lots of sentences that pair high contrast words like "beauty" and "mess," "disaster" and "delight," and so on. Then they go on and on about the wonder of life and yet all their struggles, which seem like not-struggles to me but instead are just part and parcel of being an actual grown-up.

Nevertheless, the book kept feeling good in my hands. And when she quoted Phyllis Tickle, the Book of Jeremiah, and St. Benedict, I rallied. By page 49, I was in. In fact, Chapter Seven kicked my butt and challenged me hard. Overall, the book is an interesting balance of simple examples from her life that many women might find easy to connect with, coupled with a rich library of references and quotes from outstanding contemplative and mystical authors, spanning centuries. (The Notes in the back, pages 183-187, list all of those resources and it is an abundant reading list for anyone wanting to learn more about spiritual disciplines and contemplation.

My conclusion overall? I grew somewhat tired of her many examples from her own life (some of which seemed a little contrived and corny), but this was offset by some really good stuff to chew on. One sentence in particular, from a chapter regarding the slow and steady work required for God to heal and transform us, is staying with me:

"Take the vow of Conversion is a fancy monastic way of saying: I now agree to cooperate with God in my own transformation, doing the work set in front of me."

Immediately I thought, "Guilty as charged." All too often I insist on God doing 95% of the work and me stepping in with that reluctant, final 5%. How much better things would be if I would move from arm-wrestling with God to a deeper, reciprocal, interdependent relationship, where I am looking for him everywhere and in everything, choosing to join in what he is up to rather than sticking with my safe and unimaginative agenda. Yeah.

If you are looking for a book that is easy to read and yet pushes you to pause and think about how you are walking through your day-to-day life, this one just might do the trick.

Have Mercy on Me!

Luke 18: 35 As he approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36 When he heard a crowd going by, he asked what was happening. 37 They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.” 38 Then he shouted, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 39 Those who were in front sternly ordered him to be quiet; but he shouted even more loudly, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” 40 Jesus stood still and ordered the man to be brought to him; and when he came near, he asked him, 41 “What do you want me to do for you?” He said, “Lord, let me see again.” 42 Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has saved you.” 43 Immediately he regained his sight and followed him, glorifying God; and all the people, when they saw it, praised God.

In this gospel account, we see a blind man who actually sees the truth better than those around him. The crowds surrounding Jesus are drawn in by curiosity and the excitement of celebrity. But the blind man (named as Bartimaeus in the parallel account given in Mark 10) is vulnerable and desperate, boldly willing to cry out for mercy.

We live in a country now where the federal government wants to silence the suffering, telling them to "go back to your country where you belong" rather than welcome and comfort them in their pain and loss. But here we see Jesus stopping and listening. He does not order the blind man to be quiet, as those do around him. He stops and asks what he can do.

In Philippians 2:5 we are told "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." May we not slam the door on those who need and want mercy, regardless of where they come from. May we do that not out of political affiliation or human pity; rather, may we simply do what our Lord would do. This is not complicated!

And let us not forget that once our friend Bartimaeus received his sight, he saw Jesus in his fullness and "followed him, glorifying God; and all the people, when they saw it, praised God." The American church wonders why her numbers are in decline... we would do well to go back to the gospels and be reminded what we are called to do. If we call ourselves Christ-followers, we must live as Jesus did, with loving, welcoming, merciful arms wide open.

On October 31, 2017 we will celebrate the 500th anniversary of Luther's posting of the 95 Theses, which rocked the church, and soon, the world. Join me in praying for a new reformation, where the church gets back on the path toward the kingdom of God rather than empire. I believe God will grant this prayer if our eyes our open and looking for it.

Books, Balconies and Best Practices 4-19-17

Egads!! I haven't had one post in 2017 yet. I won't even bother with excuses, but let's just say I've certainly stayed occupied since my last post. Travels to Illinois, Kentucky, and a few times to So Cal have kept me on my toes, and I never tire of learning from everything I do. As a result, I've also used a bunch of useful resources in that time and want to share a few with you...

8 Ways to Read a Lot More Books This Year While it would be stretching the truth to pretend that I have not posted in 4 months because I've been too busy reading books, I will say that this article got me motivated to get more strategic in my plans to read. I've read three books so far in 2017 and am currently working through two other books. I won't ask for a show of hands for those whose ambitions to read outpace their actual accomplishments in this regard (guilty as charged!) but I did find that applying even a couple of pointers from this article was helpful... and I'll add another one he didn't mention: seek out friends who are equally motivated to read and keep each other posted on how things are going. Sure, this can get weirdly competitive if you're not careful, but so far I find myself motivated by my friends who tell me about what they're reading, and I do the same. Let's do this and prevent our brains from turning into mush!

(PS Those three books I have read so far have been The Road to Character by David Brooks, Longing for Spring by Elaine Heath and Scott Kisker, and To Know as We are Known by Parker Palmer)

How to Establish a Meeting-Free Day Each Week Maybe your work life is like mine: a strange balance of focused deskwork, endless (ENDLESS) emails, and face-to-face meetings. The emails are always screaming at me, the meetings come and go, but I sometimes stumble in really carving out that ever-elusive "balcony time" for big-picture, strategic thinking. This article helps jump start that process if you feel stuck.

5 Questions Leaders Should Be Asking All the Time I also heard this guy interviewed on this topic, and I liked the simplicity and clarity of his approach. Leadership is not always about leading the charge -- often it's the mundane but utterly necessary task of getting everyone on the same page and working together. To be a good leader is to be a good listener... These questions help to take the conversation in that regard.

6 Things Every Mentor Should Do Last numbered list for today, I promise! One of my main gigs is directing intern programs. I have had interns since 1986 (gulp!) and have formally run intern programs since the mid-nineties. In all of that time, one thing has become very clear for me: the internship experience is only as good as the excellence of the MENTOR who trains the intern. All too often I have had supervisors who treat their interns as indentured servants, or merely want them around to observe rather than actually do anything. Though a little simplistic, this article helps clarify priorities and puts the responsibility where it should be. I plan on using this to set expectations with my next round of intern mentors.

Final thoughts...
I'm slowly working through a book of quotes by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr as a way to maintain a long-term vision for justice and healing of the deep divisions in our world. This quote really hit me the other day:

“The nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them new self-respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage they did not know they had.” 

(Martin Luther King, Jr)

Diversity, Deals and Diet... 12-20-16

Gahhh!! I have not been on my blog game this fall. Too much interesting work has kept me hoppin'... It won't make up for my neglect, but I'm giving some extras on this one.

But before I share these Latest Links that I have Lingered over and Loved, I want to share a photo from my day. Sort of bringing Instagram to my blog...

Caught this shot on my scooter (don't worry, I was safely parked) on the way home from Trader Joe's.   I had some chicken and green chile tamales and a stalk of brussels sprouts strapped on the front basket, and this glory unfolded in front of me. #nevergetsold

Onward and upward... here are what I am guessing are my final recommendations for 2016:

New Yorker magazine documentary on Rob Bell As Relevant Magazine states, "the film is a fascinating -- and extremely emotional -- look at Bell's life, legacy and influence." It doesn't capture everything (heck, it's only 13 minutes long), but certainly describes some of Bell's unique trajectory. And I am equally fascinated by the fact that the New Yorker is fascinated by him...

Next Worship: Glorifying God in a Diverse World I just read this book with two college interns who both serve as worship leaders for their campus chapels. We didn't have enough time to really dig into it, but I keep thinking about it. It's as much about leadership as it is about worship. You may not agree with every word, but I think it will get you thinking, big time.

Thrifty Christian Reader OK, so maybe the dude who compiles this should consult with some marketing people regarding the title, but I have found serious deals that I would have missed out on. I think I've mentioned this one here before, but it bears repeating. And it's not just Christian books. I just got 100 Years of the Best American Short Stories for $3.99 thanks to this site. That is plane reading GOLD right there!

NutritionStripped.com This one might get your head scratching (it's not in line with what I normally recommend here...) but I just got home from camp last weekend and had a humbling reminder of how I ate during 30 years of youth ministry... I won't go into details, but I'm having to deal with years of poor nutrition NOW and this is a website that is proving quite reliable, creative and even inspiring? If words like "inflammation" or "gluten-free" or "joint pain" or "digestive issues" are passing your lips at times, this site is for you.

3 Foundational Tips for Senior and Youth Pastors... And now for a tiny bit of self-promotion. Here's my latest article for Seedbed.com. They are the bomb in my world.

25 Truisms This fall my denomination invited us to attend an "Emotionally Healthy Leaders" seminar by Peter Scazzero. This list of 25 truisms for pastors are a valuable place to start in terms of reflecting on personal and spiritual health. Number One hits you right between the eyes: It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. There you have it.

My President was Black I won't venture into election fatigue territory, though I'm tempted... but I finally finished this remarkable article today. Regardless of how you voted, I deeply recommend this one. Listen to the voice of Ta-Nehisi Coates as he reflects on these past 8 years and where things seem to be now. 

May it be so...

Be a good steward of your gifts. Protect your time. Feed your inner life. Avoid too much noise. Read good books, have good sentences in your ears. Be by yourself as often as you can. Walk. Take the phone off the hook. Work regular hours.

Jane Kenyon, poet

Inspiration, Innovation and Intercultural Dialogue

It's November 1. I am momentarily stunned as I think of how 2016 seems to have just flown by. So much has happened this year, both in my own life but also far more importantly, in our world: Zika, presidential debates, horrifying attacks in Ankara and Brussels and Orlando and Nice and New York, refugees from everywhere, the agony of Syria, Brexit, Philando Castile, Alton Sterling, Dallas police killings, Keith Scott... And how can we ever forget this dreadful presidential election. Who knows what the news will be in these last two months, especially after Nov. 8!

Before I fall into a spiral of anxiety and dread, I want to share some resources that gave me insight, inspiration, and a surprising amount of hope.

Sinfulness, Hopefulness, and the Possibility of Politics. IF you only have time to view one of these links, make it this one: This is the most lucid, hopeful but also realistic conversation I've heard about religion and politics, ever. One little tidbit: "We are over-politicized and under-moralized." Do not skip this one... share it with friends, perhaps even listen to it with a bible study, small group, family, whomever you can gather. Profound discussion that really moved me.

Clayton Christensen on Disruptive Innovation So much of what I work on with people is how to bring their workplaces, systems, cultures, and organizations into the 21st century. This podcast speaks to that process in some thought-provoking ways. It might be interesting to listen to this with some colleagues. I got very energized as I considered the ways I have not gone outside the box in terms of structures, assumptions and goals in planning ahead.

Intercultural Discussion at the Catalyst Conference So much of the turmoil in our country and certainly in our world revolves around identity and isolation, racism and reconciliation, fear and faith. The panel assembled for this discussion was very well done, and again, this civil discourse on the role of the church regarding love for our neighbor again gave me the strength to be expectant of what might be ahead. The next link might add a bit more to the conversation too...

Multicultural, Cross-Cultural and InterCultural What do these terms mean? I just guest-lectured in a college course designed to assist students entering the health care field to engage in population health. I started off with a discussion of these terms and their meanings, and this article does a good job of defining them. I continue to look for ways to foster genuine dialogue and relationship, not just short-term projects and items to check off a list. This article comes from LinkedIn.

Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2020 Just when you think you're starting to figure out Millennials, you better slam on the brakes! Because we are now dealing with "Generation Z," the first true digital natives. And I already see some differences between these two groups. To wade into the cultural waters of "kids these days," I have often used this resource from Beloit College. Each August since 1998, Beloit College has released their Mindset List, providing a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students about to enter college. Here are a couple of tidbits for this year's class of first-year college students: In their lifetimes, the United States has always been at war.
Also, they have never had to watch or listen to programs at a scheduled time. But perhaps this says it all: “They’re an impatient generation learning how to be patient.” Full List: https://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2020/

Final thoughts

An individual has not begun to live until he can rise above the narrow horizons of his particular individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. 

Martin Luther King, Jr