COVID Chronicles, 7-29-20

As we all keep figuring things out during this slow-moving car crash known as the pandemic, I find myself of two minds (maybe more?). On one hand I will admit that the slower pace of these last few months has been beneficial... I am sleeping more consistently, eating better, reading more books of substance, and learning a great deal about how to listen more attentively to my head, heart and body.

All good things, right?? Absolutely. Ho-o-w-e-v-v-e-r-r-r-r... There is also a gnawing dread that lurks just out of range of my consciousness that pops up at inopportune times (often at 3am when I get up to go to the bathroom). It causes my chest to tighten and my mind to spin out various catastrophic scenarios that include delightful things like Social Security disappearing and the world economy collapsing. Melatonin can't kick in fast enough during those anxious moments.

So in the midst of just trying to make a living (thankfully, that part seems to be working... for now), and managing daily life in ever-changing and increasingly bizarre ways, I am also trying to keep my head tentatively above the fray and not stay immersed in a bunker mentality. What do I mean by "above the fray"? Naive as it sounds, I might be trying to make lemons out of lemonade. Or just looking for some ways to remain creative and hopeful amidst daunting unknowns.

Thus I am gently launching at least a few posts to share what that looks like for me week to week. Content will include recipes I am trying out, books I am reading, quotes I am pondering, podcasts or shows or movies I am taking in, and once in awhile, perhaps some BIG THOUGHTS. Tell me what you think.

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FOOD
Like most people (I think?), I am eating at home every day. And as quarantine really got my attention in early April, I discovered something rather jarring when I got my first credit card bill under quarantine: I ate out a lot. A LOT more than I thought. Like, credit-card-balance-nearly-cut-in-half a lot! Sure, some of those meals were work-related meals, and there was a bit of work-related travel, but there was still a fair amount of coffee here, coffee there, quick tacos during errands, meeting friends for lunch, etc. I'm not saying it was horribly wrong; it was just more than was necessary.

So quarantine has got me digging deeper back into patterns I first established during the "Great" Recession of 2009 ("Great" seems pretty minor compared to now... sheesh). I first wrote about it all here in this link. All that to say, I have been recommitting to local produce, eating seasonally and organically as much as I can.

The best place to start is with a membership with a local Community-Supported Agriculture (CSA) program. My hometown favorite is Local Harvest Delivery, which is I LOVE because 1) it gets delivered; 2) I can decline a week if I go out of town or still am trying to eat this week's produce; and 3) I can opt out of the stuff I know I won't eat.

Even then, I still have to push myself to get creative with vegetables I may not have chosen at the grocery store, but are part of what's in season. It's caused me to fall in love with many new vegetables. I'm definitely suffering!

These past two weeks I have made these side dishes, all with CSA veggies:

• Caprese Salad 
• Grilled Cauliflower "steaks" 
• Cucumber Salad
• And yes, Zoodles, with which I covered in a vegan cheese sauce that I found to be quite tasty.

Don't get bored with your cooking ~ get creative.

PODCASTS

I wish I wish I wish I could figure out a way to make a living listening to podcasts. It is hands-down my favorite form of entertainment. I listen to podcasts on bike rides and walks, when I vacuum, when I make my morning coffee, when I brush my teeth at night... you get the picture.

I won't list the MANY podcasts I like and listen to. But here are my three newest favorites:

1. Make Me Smart. A quick 15-minute summary of trends in technology, culture and the economy five days a week. The repartee between the two hosts is natural and enjoyable and, I'm not gonna lie, they make me smart. At least a little bit more.
2. Future Perfect. I'm just digging into this one, but the first one I listened to had me dialed in every. single. minute. It was a fascinating discussion between a rabbi and an agnostic on how to make sense of suffering. It aired July 7. Tune in.
3. Evolving Faith. I'm an unabashed fan of Sarah Bessey and Jeff Chu, the hosts, who co-created the Evolving Faith conference with one of my heroes, Rachel Held Evans. These episodes are from past conferences.

HABITS

I have developed two new habits during quarantine:

• reading poetry and contemplative quotes before going to bed;
• using a writing prompt generator during mental health breaks while working.

HUH? Tell me more, you say?

The poetry and quote reading kicked in sometime in May when anxiety was slowly building and I having a bit of a hard time falling asleep. Regular reading habits weren't cutting it. I needed something to slow me down more. And bring in... Mary Oliver. I truly believe her poetry could quite possibly solve everything wrong in the world. I somehow landed on her compilation Devotions on Kindle for $1.99 and off I went. Now I'm on to Thomas Merton quotes and they are also so good, in an entirely different way. Both access my heart and soul in ways that quiet the little Gnawing Dread Demons that like to taunt me at night, and I am sleeping better.

The writing prompt generator idea came from an article I read on how to fight the struggle to focus and maintain productivity while working from home. So periodically, when I am zoomed-out or SICK of email or who knows what, I will pop open a new tab and plug in this link from self-publishing.com. Try it ~ you might like it.

Final reflection.

I read this this morning as I prayed about my day, not wanting to get so mad at those I do not agree with. It punched me in the gut. In a good way.

“When you understand, you cannot help but love. . . . To develop understanding, you have to practice looking at all living beings with the eyes of compassion. When you understand, you love. And when you love, you naturally act in a way that can relieve the suffering of people.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Thanks for reading. If you're at all interested in my work-related stuff, go to www.ksleadershipdevelop.me. Make it a good week!

Sublime Summer

As I slowly shape a syllabus for the fall, finish up with my summer interns, and start fleshing out the bones of my calendar for the year, I panic a little. I am not ready for summer to end. The produce in season, the weather, the slightly more open schedule... all of it is so delightful!

I don't want to waste any lingering opportunities, so this week I tried to cram in as much as I could. I grabbed all the little grape tomatoes left on the vine in my teeny garden. Each one is a shiny and impossibly red orb of goodness. I am putting them in omelettes and tuna salads and veggie sandwiches. Tonight I roasted an eggplant into unbelievable creaminess for dinner. Yesterday I bought an extra half-pint of berries at the store, already mourning their absence.

Today I jumped on my bike and rode feverishly to the beach, not wanting to miss any chance of being outside. At night I am reading as much as I want because my mornings can start just a little bit slower. And finally, I'm trying my best to get a little writing done. As you probably know already, being creative is not something you can just turn on like a faucet. But I do not have time to really "get in the mood" or "find my muse." There are some things I want to write down or at least lay out for future chipping away.

So I have thinned out my schedule for the month, taking a break from some of the consulting I do week to week. I am reading a whole bunch of different things, then scratching down various thoughts and quotes and nuggets.

I'm also trying to figure out how to better integrate writing into my life on a more consistent basis. So as I mentioned in my previous post, I'm trying to learn from far better authors who have gone before me. Here are some of their wise words... though I haven't come to any conclusions yet as to writing looks like for me, their words are moving and motivating.


The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say. Anais Nin

Something that irritates you and won’t let you go. That’s the anguish of it. Do this book, or die. You have to go through that... Talent is insignificant. I know a lot of talented ruins. Beyond talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck, but, most of all, endurance... When you're writing, you're trying to find out something which you don't know. James Baldwin

Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. William Faulkner

I can't imagine not writing. Writing simply is a way of life for me. William Goyen

The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it. Hemingway

As a writer, I do more listening than talking. W. H. Auden called the first act of writing “noticing.” He meant the vision—not so much what we make up but what we witness. John Irving

If you persist in doing something, sooner or later  you will achieve it. It's just a matter of persistence -- and a certain amount of talent. Wm. Kennedy

I am compulsive about writing, I need to do it the way I need sleep and exercise and food and sex; I can go without it for awhile, but then I need it. John Irving

One of the most difficult things is the first paragraph. I have spent many months on a first paragraph, and once I get it, the rest just comes out very easily. In the first paragraph you solve most of the problems with your book. The theme is defined, the style, the tone. At least in my case, the first paragraph is a kind of sample of what the rest of the book is going to be. That’s why writing a book of short stories is much more difficult than writing a novel. Every time you write a short story, you have to begin all over again. Gabriel Garcia Marquez

You are always concentrated on the inner thing. The moment one becomes aware of the crowd -- performs for the crowd -- it is spectacle. It is fichu (done for). Jean Cocteau

At the time of writing, I don't write for my friends or myself, either; I write for it, for the pleasure of it. Eudora Welty

We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master. Hemingway

I always try to write on the principle of the iceberg. There is seven-eighths of it underwater for every part that shows. Hemingway

Bibliophilia

I love to read. I prefer reading to watching a movie. When I prepare to go on vacation, I start an ambitious pile of things I will read on the trip, because I look as forward to getting unlimited time to read as I do the vacation itself.

If I enjoy what I'm reading, I can't put it down. I will read as I walk through the house, as I cook, as I brush my teeth, as I lay in bed, even when I am so tired that my eyes are watering from fatigue and lack of ability to keep focusing. Still I will read.

I decided to be an English major in college because I knew it would give me an excuse to read so much. There was one quarter when I took not one but two fiction classes, and had seventeen novels to read in ten weeks. Sure, I moaned a lot about how "hard" it was to get it all done, but secretly I loved it.

A rapidly fading delight in the world is the ability to wander through a used bookstore. With the advent of e-readers and the demise of brick-and-mortar bookstores we are losing that endlessly lovely pastime of simply wandering through the aisles and happening upon something we would have otherwise not thought of. This seems like a definitive, culture-changing loss to me.

Somewhere along such aimless wanderings I picked up The Writer's Chapbook: A Compendium of Fact, Opinion, Wit, and Advice from the 20th Century's Preeminent Writers, edited by George Plimpton. It is a collection of insights taken from interviews with famous writers on their craft. I have hoarded it like a fine bottle of wine, occasionally looking at it and feeling especially creative by merely owning it.

Today I cracked it open. Already, I am wondering why I have waited so long! Only a few pages in, I am completely hooked. I will have to exercise great self-discipline to take it slow, because I can already tell it's a big sloppy feast for a reader like me.

Separated into the various aspects of writing, the first chapter is on reading. Enjoy these little nuggets:

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Richard Steele

I average about five books a week... the normal length novel takes me about two hours. Truman Capote 

The books that you really love give the sense, when you first open them, of having been there. John Cheever 

(Referring to Hemingway's writing) I mean, they're perfect sentences. Very direct sentences, smooth rivers, clear water over granite, no sinkholes. Joan Didion 

Hemingway and I used to read the Bible to each other. He began it. We read separate little scenes. From Kings, Chronicles. We didn't make anything out of it -- the reading -- but Ernest at that time talked a lot about style. John Dos Passos

And my favorite one so far:

The greatest gift is the passion for reading. It is cheap, it consoles, it distracts, it excites, it gives you knowledge of the world and experience of a wide kind. It is a moral illumination. Elizabeth Hardwick

May this little post serve as a reminder that books are indeed a "great gift." Do not let yourself get too busy to not read. And now, back to my reading...

Fall Updates 2012: Day Five

Almost exactly a year ago I posted an update of writing projects, and I'm happy to say that the opportunities keep coming. This week in particular has been a banner week for me, and I want to share my good news.

Before I begin: I've said it before and I'll say it again... if I was hoping to make a living as a writer I would be homeless and hungry. But getting to write things on a regular basis to a nice variety of audiences is more than gratifying, so I am not complaining.

Here is what has come out this week -- I wrote them all at various points this summer and fall, but they managed to be released at the same time:

• Limping Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death: Lessons from One Who is Acquainted with Grief, Youthworker Journal. This is my tenth article for Youthworker. I consider it a privilege to write for them, having benefited from their work for years when I was more active in youth ministry. While I wish I did not have the experience to have written this article, I am grateful that they asked me to contribute to the conversation.
• I am Woman, Hear Me Roar, Conversations Journal. This article title sounds way more in your face than it actually is. It is simply my reflections on the life and impact of Lydia, a first-century church leader in Philippi. Her life and ministry have been a model to me.
• Confessions: Spiritual Disciplines for Youthworkers, CYMT.org. This is my 11th of 12 articles on the classic spiritual disciplines and what they can look like for youthworkers. I have really enjoyed writing this monthly column and it looks like I get to have a column again next year.
• It Happens: True Tales from the Trenches of Youth Ministry... OK, this didn't come out this week, but about a month ago. It was fun to have an entire chapter in a book, not gonna lie.

November will mark four years since I went on sabbatical and started this rollercoaster (as many downs as ups) ride of transition. In this process I have learned more than could ever be adequately described here, but suffice it to say I am nearly speechless with gratefulness at God's creative provision and more importantly, his very real presence and love. He is the God of freedom, grace and eternity.

To conclude I share some words from the Book of Jeremiah, chapter 31 (verses 17-20) that I read today:

“O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you! You show unfailing love to thousands, but you also bring the consequences of one generation’s sin upon the next. You are the great and powerful God, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. You have all wisdom and do great and mighty miracles. You see the conduct of all people, and you give them what they deserve. You performed miraculous signs and wonders in the land of Egypt—things still remembered to this day! And you have continued to do great miracles in Israel and all around the world. You have made your name famous to this day.

Dream a Little Dream

I have books all over my house. My home office is filled with three separate six-shelf bookcases, crammed with books (and there is a stacker in the closet that holds a bunch more). My living room holds all of my housemate's books, and my bedroom has another shelf of books on the wall, a maple table with books, and my bedside table has about ten books lined up on it. As I mentioned last month, I have now entered the Kindle world, so now my crazed book ownership can go somewhat underground.

The books next to my bed are my "secret stash," books I have acquired over several years, most of which I have not read. I sometimes wonder if I enjoy owning them more than reading them, because I am unconsciously so hesitant to read them.

I should mention that every single one is about the craft of writing.

If I sit and analyze this a bit (as I am doing right now), I think there are several competing reasons for my resistance to reading them. Most strongly, I think of these books as treasures that I do not want to fritter away carelessly. I want to read them when I can truly enjoy them. I am the sort of person who eats the frosting last when eating a piece of cake. I am good at delaying gratification. These books are the ultimate dessert for me.

But I also know that a rather large part of me is slightly afraid of these books as well. To read them feels like I am claiming that I am a writer, and I am not ready to do that. I certainly love to write, but in no way would I call myself a writer. Yes, I have written some articles, but those are three to four pages at most, and emerge out of my own experience and training. I would not say they truly emerge out of some deeper place, though at times I have twiddled with the edges of it.

Lastly, there is a part of me that feels pressure: once I finish these books, there will be no more excuses. No longer would I be able to say that I cannot start writing until I have learned how to do "it." Believe me, I know that is completely lame and one only learns how to write by writing, and rest assured, I do that almost every day. I just haven't figured out if I want to go further than that. I love everything I am working on in my life, but many times I have had the conversation of whether or not I have at least one book in me...

So this week, I had some space to let myself pull out one of my precious treasures. There is only one other book in the stack that I have read: The Faith of a Writer, by Joyce Carol Oates, that I read this past June during my vacation in Grand Teton.

This new one is pictured above: Writers Dreaming: Twenty-Six Writers Talk About Their Dreams and the Creative Process by Naomi Epel. First off, let me say, this is a funny little book. It was published in 1993, and quite possibly the most quaint thing about it is how often each writer refers to working on a word processor. My, how times have changed.

And I am not sure one can really call it a book as much as a collection of interviews. Epel has apparently hosted a weekly radio show called "Book Talk," and she is also a "dream researcher" (right, I don't know what that is either). Writers Dreaming compiles the notes from her interviews of writers and how dreams have influenced their work.

I will tell you that I pay attention to my dreams. I do not see anything magical in them. They are not crystal balls that I consult to figure out my future. As a mentor has told me, Dreams are simply your unconscious trying to figure yourself out. So I pay attention to my dreams to find out what is really bothering me, what I am afraid of, what I am yearning for, etc.

Let's be clear: I do not plan on sharing any of my dreams with you! But I want to tell you that this book, quirky as it is, actually has some great things to say about writing and how it works. I am learning a lot as I read.

Here are some examples:

• Isabel Allende: Maybe I'm a writer because I'm desperately trying to clean up my mess. Here's another one: Without my demons what will I write about?
• Maya Angelou: I do believe dreams have a function. I don't see anything that has no function, not anything that has been created. I may not understand its function or be able to to even use it, make it utile, but I believe it has a reason.
• John Barth (I have never heard of him either): Those rituals of getting ready to write seem to conduce a kind of trance state.
• Richard Ford: I'm trying to cause people to be interested in the particulars of their lives because I think that that's one thing literature can do for us. It can say to us: pay attention. Pay closer attention. Pay stricter attention to what you say to your son. Pay stricter attention to what you say to someone you love.
• Sue Grafton: As I write I keep a journal for each novel that I work on... I'm finding now that some of the freest writing I do is in the journal because psychologically that feels like playtime.
• Spalding Gray: So what I had the students do first was to speak their stories, their autobiographic story, into a tape recorder. Then I'd have them transcribe it and begin to work on making the transcription like writing. My theory was, and it works, that they will find their personal voice in that way because it is their voice. (Is that brilliant or what??)
• Allan Gurganus: Writing is a kind of free fall that you then go back and edit and shape. I think the best things that I've ever got as a writer come frequently all in a burst.
• James W. Hall: There's this romantic picture of writers, sometimes, that you either are going to be a great writer or have a great life. And you have to choose one or the other. I don't think that's true for me. I don't believe that that has to be an either-or choice. But you have to consciously decide that. You can't let your ordinary life drift and just sink into the creative world all the time.

That last one is perhaps the greatest advice for me. I will never forget, after having spent several academic quarters plowing through Coleridge (opium addict, bipolar), Hemingway (shot his head off), Fitzgerald (drank himself to death), Sylvia Plath (suicide), et cetera et cetera, coming to the conclusion that I could never be a great writer because I was simply too normal! I have operated under that assumption for nearly thirty years. So Hall's statement is a gift. 

Consider tracking this book down on half.com or finding it in your library. It's worth the time, in my opinion. I'm only about halfway through it, so you may be hearing from me again on this subject...

Grand Teton reading #1

THE FAITH OF A WRITER
by Joyce Carol Oates


What advice can an older writer presume to offer to a younger? Only what he or she might wish to have been told years ago. Don't be discouraged! Don't cast sidelong glances, and compare yourself to others among your peers! (Writing is not a race. No one really "wins." The satisfaction is in the effort, and rarely in the consequent rewards, if there are any.) And again, write your heart out. (p. 24)


Life is lived head-on, like a roller coaster ride: "art" is coolly selective, and can be created only in retrospect. But don't live life in order to write about it since the "life" so lived will be artificial and pointless. Better to invent wholly an alternative life. Far better! (p. 25)

I've never thought of writing as the mere arrangement of words on the page but the attempted embodiment of a vision; a complex of emotions; raw experience. (p. 35)

But what are the origins of the impulse Wallace Stevens calls the "motive for metaphor"? -- the motive to record, transcribe, invent, speculate? The late William Stafford says in a poem,


So, the world happens twice --- 
once we see it as is;
second, it legends itself deep,
the way it is. (pp. 38-39)

When I'm asked, as sometimes I am, when did I know I "wanted to be a writer," my reply is that I never "knew" I wanted to be a writer, or anything else; I'm not sure, in fact, that I "want" to be a writer, in such simplistic, abstract terms. A person who writes is not, in a sense, a "writer" but a person who writes; he (or she) can't be defined except in specific terms of texts. (p. 41)

Summer Reads

1. Finished Westmont Mayterm course -- check.
2. Attended high school graduation for many former youth groupies -- check.
3. Participated in Providence Hall graduation one last time (and enjoyed myself greatly) -- check.
4. Met individually yesterday and today with each of my nine Free Methodist summer interns (via Skype) -- check.
5. Replied to a bazillion overdue emails -- check.

Ahhhh. All those checked-off items means... it's time for vacation!! Yesssssss. (Fist pump).

It's 9:45pm, the bags are packed, and I can already feel myself starting to relax. And thanks to a lovely college student home for the summer, I can rest easily knowing the kitties are in good hands.

Heading to Grand Teton National Park (chock full of gluten-free granola bars, naturally), I look forward to blissful days of ZERO email, eating when I'm hungry, sleeping till I wake up, lots of hiking, and reading reading reading.

What's on my reading list, you might ask? I will be the first to admit that I get very ambitious when I pack my bags, so this list may extend into summer. Which is fine by me!

• Istanbul: Memories and the City by Orhan Pamuk. I had some beloved youth groupies go on a semester-long trip to Turkey (and parts of the Middle East) with my friends Heather and Jim (professors at Westmont), and their photos made me jealous. I had an amazing trip through Turkey in May 2005, and it's on my bucket list to return. This book will probably make me want to go even more. I like Pamuk's writing a lot. He does a good job describing his inner life.
• Colonel Roosevelt by Edmund Morris. I first listed this book on this post, but got delayed by... life. So I'm ready to feast on the third part of this biography, having read the first two during past visits to other national parks.
• Walking the Bible: A Journey by Land Through the Five Books of Moses by Bruce Feiler. I've heard a bit about this book on NPR, but it was mostly an impulse purchase as I ran through Borders when it was closing. How do you pass up 70% discounts?! And let's be honest -- this title had me at hello!
• The Faith of a Writer: Life, Craft, Art by Joyce Carol Oates. I have a bunch of beautiful "how-to-write" books hoarded on my bedside table, making myself think I'll become a great writer someday simply by owning them. I have read one or two of them, but it's time to wade in and just ENJOY.
• The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry by Henri Nouwen. Yep, this is a re-read. This is an oldie but a goodie (my edition is from 1981!), and as I was packing in my room it caught my eye. I just sensed it was time to read it again. How can that not be good?

My last month has been full, teaching for Mayterm, launching summer interns, conferences and consulting out of town. I have high hopes of returning to more regular posting again here upon my return because I have missed it. Thanks for reading -- please post what YOU are reading these days.

Writing Projects

I'm here to report, as a former English major, that I am glad I have never entertained notions of actually making a living as a writer. After 3 years of concerted effort to get my work published, I can say that I have had many articles (at least 30?) accepted and published. I've listed some of the links on my blog.

But I hesitate though to add up how much money I have made doing this. I would venture it hovers around $1,000... in total! Yet I cannot deny that I enjoy it immensely. It is great to work with editors, figure out how to work within deadlines and word limits, and be creative with what topics are given to me. Writing is a craft I want to continue to work at and improve upon. And again, while my other work pays the bills, it is gratifying to see thoughts and experiences turn into words. I will never get tired of that.

I have an eclectic assortment of stuff right now -- some has just been released, some is still pending. Here is what is in the hopper at present:

• Tweets, Texts, Technology... and Theology: my first cover story! This was published in Light & Life magazine, a national and international magazine produced by the Free Methodist Church. (I'll try to find a link to the Spanish-language version of my article and post it here as well). This goes out to the thousands of churches around the country, and is also shared around the world.
• Augustine's Confessions - Still Going Deeper: I was contacted by Immerse Journal to write a response article for one of their articles. I have been impressed with the deeper content they provide here.
• It Happens - Dealing with Everyday Stuff in Youth Ministry: I was contacted by the general editor, Will Penner, and asked to contribute a chapter to this book. I told a great story about having to decide whether or not to take a student to the hospital after being injured during a night game at camp, and what I learned about safety and youth ministry (which should not be mutually exclusive terms!)
• Conversations Journal: I have just been asked to be a contributing blogger to this incredible online publication committed to spiritual formation. This is an outstanding resource for a wide variety of work on discipleship. Bookmark this website -- you will not be disappointed by the breadth and depth of content there.
• YMToday: this is a really useful youth ministry resource produced by Memphis Seminary. They have archived a bunch of my work. We are in discussions about me writing a monthly column for them on spiritual formation for youthworkers.
• Youthworker Journal: I appreciate the quality of their publication, and I am indebted to them for being the first ones to accept my work. I have another article coming out with them soon on turning "doctrine into devotion through small group ministry." Here are most of the articles I have written for them.

While the bulk of these articles are not lofty creations, they emerge out of the many adventures and struggles I have had over the years. I am grateful that I am still standing, and that I am still learning.

I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. ~James Michener

Hands & Feet

I have had the unexpected pleasure of reconnecting lately in two different situations with some very old friends. It is surprising and wonderful to talk to someone from 25 years ago. Not only is it a delight to reconnect, but the entire encounter is a powerful reminder of how things were, how stunningly naive I was, and how much things have grown and changed since then. I feel older, but also a bit wiser.

When I talk to these folks though, inevitably one of the first questions is, So what are you up to these days? Given that vocationally I wear at least four hats at any given time, it feels like there is no short answer to that question. And inevitably, I end up tripping over my words as I try to explain the different stuff I am so excited about.

However, as I read last night before going to sleep, I received a subtle "THAT'S it" when I read these words:

Teresa of Avila, a sixteenth-century Spanish mystic, wrote, “Christ has no body now on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ’s compassion is to look out to the world; yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good; yours are the hands with which God is to bless people now.”

My weeks are occupied with teaching, consulting, writing and strategic planning, and each of those projects use a different email address. But what they really add up to is one thing; ultimately, I hope that I can equip others a little bit in being "Jesus with skin on" in the world today. As Teresa of Avila said so many centuries ago, we are the hands and feet of Jesus.

So when I am leading 70 high school students in a weekly dialogue about the Gospel of Mark, I pray they are motivated to carry on the ministry of Christ in the world, incarnating his love and mercy and selfless service.

When I write articles, mostly about youth ministry, I pray that my words can assist a few youthworkers in persevering past the statistical 2.5 years of the average lifespan of a youthworker, carrying on as a faithful mentor to their own group of disciples.

When I work with a pastors in recruiting more volunteers or shaping three-year goals, it is my hope that they will feel hopeful about how they can actually do ministry, and not just worry about it and feel buried in budgets, emails and the crisis of the week.

And finally, when I am recruiting at colleges and building networks of support for the future leaders in the kingdom, I want each person I talk to, whether they are seminary presidents or college freshmen or hard-working faculty, to know that Jesus was loving enough (and slightly crazy?) to entrust the work of His kingdom into our clumsy hands.

As I read recently, "Lord, we are forever grateful that you do not want to change the world without us. May we become the church you dream of."

I reveled in Teresa of Avila's simple words, and the encouragement only mounted as I read Isaiah 25 and 26:

In that day the people will proclaim,

“This is our God!

We trusted in him, and he saved us!

This is the Lord, in whom we trusted.

Let us rejoice in the salvation he brings!” (25:9)

7 But for those who are righteous,

the way is not steep and rough.

You are a God who does what is right,

and you smooth out the path ahead of them.

8 Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws;

our heart’s desire is to glorify your name.

9 All night long I search for you;

in the morning I earnestly seek for God. (26:7-9)

As it says in 2 Corinthians 4:1, Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. It is remarkable to me that God chooses to work through us, nincompoops that we are. But since he has entrusted such things to us, let us rise to the challenge, with His Spirit filling us. How good is our God.

Rock Polishing

Children love to start collections. I'm not up to speed on what things that kids collect now, but back in the dark ages when I was little, my brother and I collected stuff like coins, stamps and rocks. One year he got a rock polisher for Christmas. It made the most mundane rocks look shiny, smooth and precious.

But what I remember even more was the sound the rock polisher made as the tumbler rotated round and round, its tiny little motor growling steadily as the water and sand and rocks rumbled inside. All the grinding, clunking and swishing had a hypnotic effect. I knew something almost magic was going on.

Lately it feels like several "rocks" in my life are tumbling around, rearranging and jockeying for space in my calendar. For the most part, it's a fun and fascinating process, and it feels like some lovely, polished rocks will get to emerge at some point, regardless of how unremarkable they may have looked before they went into the tumbler.

All of these current projects function separately, but they collectively come together in my heart and mind in wonderful ways. First of all, my role with the Free Methodist Church in Southern California has expanded to 3/4 time. In addition to the work I've done since March 2009 with individual Free Methodist lead pastors on strategic planning and leadership development, now I also get to pursue the development of pastoral leaders at Christian colleges and seminaries. I am also collaborating with some very creative denominational leaders, developing a plan for planting ministry in new cities within California. All of this will include more recruiting and training of college interns, partnerships with various faculty members and some writing and research. It's so fun for me it almost doesn't feel like work! (Though I sure don't mind getting paid to do it...)

I am continuing at Providence Hall, though my hours have tapered back quite a bit. Tuesday I start up teaching the "Foundations of the Christian Faith" course again to 9th through 12th graders. I will also train the new Foundations teacher for our new grades 7 and 8, which will be very gratifying for me since he is someone I had as a pastoral intern this summer and as a student in the past from the Westmont Mayterm course I taught in 2009. I am happy to say that I seem to never tire of being with teenagers. This fall we will start off studying the Gospel of Mark, and I will have the privilege of teaching them some fundamental principles of hermeneutics, which is just a fancy way of saying that we will talk about how to think as they read the Bible, and not just take the word of others.

These two responsibilities can fill my time quite adequately, but I am a little surprised that some other "side jobs" have bubbled up this summer. I just finished two different workshops this past week, one with Fuller Seminary and the other with a church here in town, talking through Strengths-Finder and ministry as a team. Those projects will continue for a few weeks as I do follow up. I'm in conversation with another non-profit in town who is interested in the same thing. Plus I am still working with two churches (one in Seattle, the other in Central California) through Youth Ministry Architects.

Last but not least, it looks like I have more writing projects coming up -- some more articles in Youthworker Journal in 2012, a monthly column in YMToday on spiritual disciplines, and a lead article for the Free Methodist national magazine in October. And a chapter in a book on youth ministry by Will Penner coming out sometime soon. Pinch me, I'm dreaming!!

Earlier I brought up the rock polisher... as I said, there is no real overlap when I work on these projects, and scheduling all of them in can prove to be quite a juggling act sometimes. They might even crash into one another once in awhile, much like the stones in the rock polisher. But collectively, they all tumble together and form some deep things in me. A couple of days ago I read this:

In his book City of God, Augustine of Hippo wrote, “The heavenly city, while it sojourns on earth, calls citizens out of all nations and gathers together a society of pilgrims of all languages. In its pilgrim state the heavenly city possesses peace by faith; and by this faith it lives.”

I loved these words because they reminded me that as followers of Jesus, this earth is not our real home. Rather, we are on a constant journey as resident aliens. As Paul says in Philippians 3:20, our citizenship is in heaven. So we navigate the tension of living in the "now and the not yet. Between coaching and consulting and writing and teaching I get to talk to believers from many different church traditions, with an occasional seeker along the way, and I am encouraged at the many "pilgrims" I meet as I do this. Together, in our own ways, both small and sometimes large, we are helping to build the heavenly city that Augustine talks about. I delight in being part of something so much bigger than my small little corner of the world.

Last week I picked up a book that I am taking very slowly, just reading a tiny bit each day, titled The Desert Fathers: Sayings of the Early Christian Monks. I am fascinating by the spiritual disciplines of the early church, and each quote in this book packs a punch. This one from two days ago is still with me:

Poemen said, "To be on guard, to meditate within, to judge with discernment: these are the three works of the soul."

Poemen was apparently a humble leader of a group of monastic hermits in the 5th century in Egypt, who guided his community in hard work, prayer and study. I liked this simple sentence because it called me to not lose sight of my real job as I work on these various projects and responsibilities: my highest calling, for eternity, is to know and love Jesus Christ. So I am to guard against temptations and distractions, to meditate and stand still enough to hear Him, and to be wise in my decisions, thoughts and words.

None of this easy to do, but it is always worthwhile. Augustine again taught me on this last night as I read this before I went to sleep:

Augustine of Hippo said, “Let us leave a little room for reflection in our lives, room too for silence. Let us look within ourselves and see whether there is some delightful hidden place inside where we can be free of noise and argument. Let us hear the Word of God in stillness and perhaps we will then come to understand it.”

I am so grateful for all of these opportunities. They are creative and challenging, and I am especially thankful for the gainful employment in such a bad economy! But ultimately, they will amount to nothing if I do not put first things first, and fix my heart on the Lord. If I do this, he persistently polishes the rough edges of my stony heart and makes something beautiful. Amazing.

Two Articles in January

When I moved on from my long-term youth ministry position in February 09, one of my hopes was to be able to write. I didn't have complete clarity as to exactly what I wanted to write about, but I felt itchy to get some things written down.

Soon after I resigned, I was at a conference and unexpectedly "met" (ran into, really) an editor from InterVarsity Press whose writing I had admired. Feeling like this was my one shot, and that it would pass very quickly, I blurted to him something to the effect of I've always wanted to write and I don't know if I'm even any good but how would I start if I wanted to get published...

Feeling like a fool because I'm sure he hears that ALL THE TIME, I still pushed past my insecurities somehow and just put it out there ~ I'm so grateful he didn't blow me off.

In reply, he said very simply, Start a blog. I told him I felt like there are a million silly blogs out there and who in the world reads them, and he patiently explained that having a blog provides the impetus to write. When you know it's there, it's embarrassing to not regularly post content on it, so it kicks you in the butt and gets you motivated. Tell a few friends you've got one, and go from there... and with that, he moved on.

That's all I needed. No, I haven't become famous, and I certainly haven't written that great American novel. But I have started writing, and it started with this blog (well, it started with AP English in high school, but that's another story). The practice the blog gives me has been a great discipline. I'm not sure I could tell you precisely how I ended up writing some articles after that, but I did. It's all still a work in progress ~ but it feels great to turn some ideas into reality.

That provides a bit of context to then say that I had two articles come out this month. One of them is on the Fuller Youth Institute website, which represents the youth ministry research arm of Fuller Seminary. The article is titled, Friends & Frenemies: Love, Pray, Eat. I enjoy writing for FYI because the editors push me hard to back up my big sweeping statements with actual research, gosh darn it. Last month I was stoked to find out that one of my articles for them last year was part of their "Top 5 Resources for 2010"... Regardless of whether I have articles in there or not, bookmark this site because it is a tremendous resource for anyone who cares about teens, families, education, and most importantly, youth ministry.

The other article released this month is in Youthworker Journal, and it titled Teens, Texts & Tweets: Helping Parents & Youthworkers Understand & Address Technology. This one is on page 34 and the link here is a digital magazine... you may find it a tiny bit tricky to navigate (let's be honest, I DID), so I hope you're able to read it. As with an article from last September, I got a good laugh out of seeing my name make the cover of the magazine. (If you squinch up your eyes real tight you'll see it... Should I mention that the lady in the photo sort of creeps me out?)

If you read this blog periodically, you have been part of this process of learning. Thanks. If there is something on your wish list that you hope to do "someday," all I can say is, Don't wait any longer. Get going, y'hear!?

Year-End

I woke up this morning to a pleasant little surprise in my inbox: I received a weekly update from the Fuller Youth Institute about their Top 5 Resources for 2010, and one of my articles was listed.

I have another article coming out with them next month, along with a different article in Youthworker Journal. Allow me to be the first to tell you that this is no way to make a living. "Publishing" in the new millennium is a dicey proposition at best. But I'm also no starving writer. These articles are simply a way for me to be creative and reflective. They also give me the opportunity to share a bit of experience. I stumbled into writing, but I'm really enjoying it. Since spring 09 I've had some twenty articles come out. I really can't believe it. I guess being an English major turned out OK after all...

There is another small course change on the horizon. For close to two years I have been working with pastors in the Free Methodist Conference of Southern California, coaching and collaborating on strategic planning, staff management, volunteer development, church planting, cross-cultural ministry, project management, discipleship, and leadership. So far I've worked with thirteen churches from San Diego to Santa Barbara. In that time I've also started to partner with the superintendents on some other projects, to the point where they have asked me to become the Director of Recruiting and Development for the Conference. So starting in 2011 I will work with several Christian colleges to recruit interns to work in our Southern California churches. Once the interns are recruited I will train the supervising pastors and the interns themselves for this projects. Our hope is to raise up a bunch of new pastors for the future. We have a surprising number of tremendous ministries available, and I am like a kid in a candy shop as I prepare for this.

Because of this I will scale back slightly on my work with Providence Hall, but not by much. I will still be teaching there, plus giving direction to some projects, especially those related to admissions, parent support and community outreach.

I am grateful each day for such enjoyable, meaningful and supportive employment. Yet it would be aimless busyness if not for the great, eternal promises of Christ. As 2010 winds down, these two passages I read this morning sum up what is truly worth knowing and living for. As the prayer for today says, "Christ is coming. Christ has come. Christ will come again." The older I get, the more I really know that this is good news. Hallelujah.

^{Psalm 104}

³¹ May the glory of the Lord continue forever!
The Lord takes pleasure in all he has made!
³² The earth trembles at his glance;
the mountains smoke at his touch.

³³ I will sing to the Lord as long as I live.
I will praise my God to my last breath!
³⁴ May all my thoughts be pleasing to him,
for I rejoice in the Lord.
³⁵ Let all sinners vanish from the face of the earth;
let the wicked disappear forever.

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

Bishop N. T. Wright of Durham has written, “The whole point of what Jesus was up to was that he was doing close up, in the present, what he was promising long-term in the future. And what he was promising for that future and doing in the present was not saving souls for a disembodied eternity but rescuing people from the corruption and decay of the way the world presently is so they could enjoy, already in the present, that renewal of creation which is God’s ultimate purpose — ​and so they could thus become colleagues and partners in that large project.”

(Find all of this in Common Prayer for Dec. 20)

Shameless Plug

OK, I have to admit, I did a little personal jig today... I knew I was going to have an article in the latest issue of Youthworker Journal (yes, I'm fully aware that you don't read it -- only other youthworker nerds like me), but I did not realize that I would get a little shout out on the cover as well. (Squint and you can see it under "Changing the World")

Certainly not fame and most definitely not fortune, but heck, it's something, right?

Here's the link to the digital version. My article is on page 26.

Thanks for listening. Or reading. Whatever.

"So What's Up with You?"

I run into people and the first question I hear is often "So what's up with you?"

One by one, the details perhaps don't sound like much, but together, they add up to a rather eventful and interesting summer.

Here goes:

• I got to go to Alaska June 23-July 3. Two words: Uh-mazing. Here's one post I wrote about it. Stinkin' glorious. I cannot recommend it enough as a vacation destination. If you've been wondering and wavering, wonder and waver no longer. Book it.
• I moved on from Eden Reforestation Projects, and expanded my role at Providence Hall High School. After a really fun year juggling a whole lot of different projects, I'd reached a point where my roles at both organizations were expanding, and I needed to make a choice. After much prayer and consideration, I chose Providence Hall. I am continuing as the Campus Pastor, leading the Foundation of the Christian Faith class with the entire student body. This role also lets me work with the student leadership team, and coordinate the parenting seminars series we title Providence Presents. But as of July 1, I doubled my time there and have taken on some administrative projects as the Assistant Headmaster. My energies are focused on revamping the admissions process, strengthening our technological infrastructure, and working with our new Director of Advancement in terms of marketing and communications. Given that these tasks are often what I work on through my pastoral coaching projects, it's a treat to remain "on the ground" myself and keep sharpening my own abilities. We have 22-25 more students coming in September as we enter our 4th year as a school. Though we're still a start-up in most respects, it feels like we're getting some solid traction as well.
• I bought a new bike (and sold my old one). Pictured above is my new trusty steed, a Specialized Globe Vienna 4, which I think I'm going to name Blue Steel. To use a word from my students, this bike is sick. The photo shows many of its awesome qualities -- lightweight fenders, a front hub that powers the lights front and back, a built-in sturdy rear rack, a nifty bell, and best of all -- unlike the bike pictured -- an 8-gear internal rear hub. No derailleur (or dirty chain!). It's a smooth ride and a heck of a lot of fun. I take it on the bike bus to Providence Hall, then ride home a few days a week. I often stop on the way home on errands and am able to load up. Since I also have my scooter, I'm getting really close to selling my car. Not quite ready to jump off that cliff, but getting much closer.
• I've got a lot of church consulting projects -- currently I am working with five churches related to youth ministry, and with seven churches in terms of pastoral coaching (strategic planning, leadership development, staff management, casting vision, problem-solving, etc.) I go on-site at least once to each of these churches, but then maintain our working relationship through Skype. I love technology...
• I'm surprised to have a few speaking gigs coming up: I'm co-leading a ministry summit seminar for all So Cal Free Methodist churches this Saturday on Children's & Youth Ministries -- how to plan for the year and build a structure around it. On Aug 20-21 I'm speaking at church's youth camp near Big Sur. On Aug 27 I'm meeting with the staff and leadership core in Downey to coach them through Strengths-Finder. On Sept 18 I'm leading a seminar on the stages of adolescent development for a church's parents and youth ministry leaders. Fun fun fun!
• I had an article featured on YMToday this week. I actually wrote it awhile ago, but was grateful to have it circulated again. I have a new article coming out in September with Youthworker Journal, and am currently working on a larger project with YMToday and the Lilly Foundation on how to teach worldviews to young people.
• I'm still cooking up a storm... I can't believe that I flunked Home Ec in jr. high and now consider cooking one of my favorite hobbies. Tonight a little treat from the Whole Foods weekly email made me smile -- Banana Nice Cream. Heavenly.
  

I am speechless as I consider the many ways I get to experience God's creative and gentle grace. However, I do not mean to paint a completely rosy picture. Threaded throughout these many gifts is a painful journey with a close friend as she faces the end of a ten-year battle with brain cancer. I really hate cancer...

In my visit with her this week I read parts of Psalm 107 to her. I end with those lines, finding strength in the reality that this life is not all there is. Because of this, we are sustained.

1-3 Oh, thank God—he's so good! His love never runs out.
All of you set free by God, tell the world!
Tell how he freed you from oppression,
Then rounded you up from all over the place,
from the four winds, from the seven seas.

^4-9 Some of you wandered for years in the desert,
looking but not finding a good place to live,
Half-starved and parched with thirst,
staggering and stumbling, on the brink of exhaustion.
Then, in your desperate condition, you called out to God.
He got you out in the nick of time;
He put your feet on a wonderful road
that took you straight to a good place to live.
So thank God for his marvelous love,
for his miracle mercy to the children he loves.
He poured great draughts of water down parched throats;
the starved and hungry got plenty to eat.

More Articles on the Interweb!

I've been asked by YMToday to contribute some articles to their newsletter. This is an impressive resource produced by the Center for Youth Ministry Training. I believe this photo helps you to understand why they invited me to contribute...

Go to this link and look over this week's YMToday newsletter; scroll down to "More Articles this week" section and you'll see my article.

It's a joy for me to see some "dreams come true" in terms of getting my writing out there. It's even more satisfying when they ask me for content. I like that ☺ As is often the case, I don't get paid for it.... But God is faithfully providing income for me -- so this stuff is icing on the cake, and a great way to connect in other ways.

My schedule is full these days with work. Yessss! I have consulting projects in Nebraska, Illinois, Arizona, 3 churches in Southern CA, and several assignments with Eden Reforestation Projects all spinning at once. I am also gearing up to officially start the school year with Providence Hall on August 15. For a little vacay before my schedule ramps up another notch, I'm squeezing in a 5-day camping trip to Sequoia National Park, then sneaking away for two days with my niece and nephew to camp near Big Sur after that.

Thanks for reading.

Job Update #4 - final

Thanks to those of you who have plowed through these posts. This last update is the least specific. I will introduce it with this quote I heard recently:

I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. Henry David Thoreau

During my sabbatical (Nov 08 thru Jan 09) I decided to try my hand at a little writing. It had always been a long-unrealized dream of mine to get something published. While it definitely took some work on the front end to learn a few of the ins and outs of queries, writing guidelines and article submission, it has been a fun adventure. While none of my work will go down in the annals of fine literature, I will say that it has been a fun little rush to see my name in print. Editors have been gracious, readers have been encouraging, and the whole experience has motivated me to keep working at it.

What has been published this year (some of the links are listed to the right):

• Two articles published this year in Youthworker Journal, and I am contracted to write another one for the fall.
• An essay in the book When Kids Hurt by Chap Clark and Steve Rabey
• An article on Steinbeck and Faith in Provocations Journal, a publication of the Trinity Forum; I have another submitted to them that they are considering
• Regular columns on youthminblog.com
• I have been contacted by ymtoday.com and fulleryouthinstitute.org, both of whom have asked me to write for them.
• As mentioned in Job Update #1, I will be assisting the President of Eden Reforestation Projects in writing a book about creation care and environmental stewardship, primarily focusing on the huge need for reforestation around the world.

I agree with Thoreau. Head in the direction of your dreams. Don't count on those dreams for the big bucks (I think I have made a total of $250 from the efforts listed above....) but enjoy the opportunity to stretch, think, create, risk.

I close with some wise words from Dorothy Parker:

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

Thought for the Day

Good writing should help readers to “become less alone inside.”

D.T. Max, writing about the work of
David Foster Wallace, March 9, 2009 issue of New Yorker