October 2019 Update: Millennials, Middle Schoolers and Milestones

Two different conversations with pastors this week have got me thinking about all the different ways those in vocational ministry walk through the multiple stages of life with people. One pastor asked me for my thoughts on how to recruit interns (and let me tell you, I have a LOT of opinions about that!) and the other reflected with me on the challenges of shepherding elderly members well.

With those conversations in mind, here are some resources that proved useful in my work with clients in the past month...

The Millennial Existential Experience. I know, I know, there have been So. Many. Articles. About. Millennials. How could there possibly be one more?! Well, I feel like this one provides a different take. I started following this blogger after his reading his book The New Copernicans: Millennials and the Survival of the Church (which I recommend highly, PS). This particular blog post lists some pertinent stuff regarding the profound anxiety that younger generations are experiencing. For the sake of confidentiality I will be spare in my details, but in recent conversations with college students, I was truly shaken by the prevalence of struggles they faced with mental health, family pressures and a general sense of being overwhelmed by their futures. Take a few minutes and reflect on this one.

Turning 60. Now we swing to another ring further along the monkey bars of life...  This sentence in the first paragraph grabbed my attention: "here are a few things turning 60 in 2019—the Barbie doll, Etch a Sketch, the commercial copier, the microchip, transpacific flights, Alaska and Hawaii as states." YIKES. That hits a bit close to home! The author provides three really helpful, thought-provoking suggestions for navigating the big 6-0 and more importantly, how to age intentionally. This will provide some good conversation fodder, I promise.

Tell Me More. As a graduate of Fuller Seminary and former youthworker, I am impressed by these resources that I came upon recently.  I HIGHLY recommend that you pass them along to parents, teachers, and youth ministry leaders:

• Tell me more: 8 conversations to have with your new middle school student
• Tell me more: 8 questions to ask your high school freshman

Each of them come with a nifty, concise PDF download of the questions from the articles. PS I would pass these along to parents of pre-teens (tweens? I don't know the right term...) as well. Preparing parents of adolescents when their students are actually adolescents is pretty much too late! Let's get crackin'!

This says it all.

“Those who are weak have great difficulty finding their place in our society. The image of the ideal human as powerful and capable disenfranchises the old, the sick, the less-abled. For me, society must, by definition, be inclusive of the needs and gifts of all its members. How can we lay claim to making an open and friendly society where human rights are respected and fostered when, by the values we teach and foster, we systematically exclude segments of our population? I believe that those we most often exclude from the normal life of society, people with disabilities, have profound lessons to teach us. When we do include them, they add richly to our lives and add immensely to our world.”

―Jean Vanier, Becoming Human

Thanks for reading... feel free to pass this along to others. Contact me with feedback and questions at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. And check out my other blog while you're at it, devoted to leadership development in the marketplace, at https://www.ksleadershipdevelop.me/

Finding Your Way

Occasionally I get asked how I came to title my blog "Listening to My Life." The clue is given in the quote directly below the title, from Parker Palmer. I came across this lovely statement when I read one of Palmer's books, which ended up be a game-changer for me, titled Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation. 

There is not a month that goes by where I don't recommend this book to someone. Students freshly graduated from college who are asking the big "what's now?" questions, young adults in their late twenties or early thirties who are feeling stuck in a variety of ways, or peers who are surprised by the need to change (or restart) their careers as they enter the latter third of working life.

Invariably, their next question is "can I borrow your copy?" and I just smile because there is NO. PICKIN'. WAY. I am loaning out my copy. It's more like a journal at this point, after a few readings... I've written notes and underlines and dates and even a name or two in the margins!

I was reminded of all this by another quote from Palmer that I came across today:

“The power of a fully lived life or a truly learned mind is not a power to be sought or contrived. It comes only as we let go of what we possess and find ourselves possessed by a truth greater than our own.”

I enjoy Palmer's book so much because it is raw and authentic. He freely talks about his own failures, but not in a that ridiculous, "humblebrag" sort of way. Rather, he describes real failures and lapses in judgment. He demonstrates true remorse. He chronicles painful seasons of depression. His concise but purposeful language peeled away my defenses, and I finally faced "the reality of my own fear." (p. 26) While this was painful, it was also ultimately liberating, and launched me on the trajectory I am now on. Today's quote sums up that place very well... I have to admit that I feel like I am fully living life, and know this to be a great gift, rather than something I was able to conjure up. 

How did I arrive in this place? Short answer: the grace of God. Longer answer: a long and circuitous journey during which I s-l-o-w-l-y learned to heed the still, small voice of God prompting me this way and that. I have learned so much along the way, and I shared a few these things with my crop of summer interns in our training recently. 

In no particular order of importance, they are:

1. Your calling is to someone, not something. In Ephesians 4:1 it says, “I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” We must get rid of this prevailing notion that our identity is found in what we do. We must shed this Christiany tendency of thinking that we must have this crazy, blinding, writing-in-the-sky Damascus Road experience where our "calling" is given, and that anything else is living below God's passion. So much pressure! We are to love God with our heart, soul, mind and strength. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing. Period.
2. Invite others whom you trust to help you understand your gifts. In all of my own ministry roles, I was asked to do them. People discerned things in me that I did not see in myself. In fact, I shy away from those who want to self-identify their gifts and calling. Discerning your gifts and the way you can serve can and should be a corporate experience, where your trusted community calls things out in you and commissions you for the task.
3. Don’t look sideways. 1 Corinthians 12 is all about the various gifts of the body. All are valid, all are different. One of the big downfalls of Christian college graduates that I have observed is the comparison game. They all think they have to be "Indiana Jones for Jesus," arriving with flash and swagger, supposedly conquering some world problem or starting a non-profit. Sheesh. Don't compare yourself to others. God works through each of us in different ways.
4. God doesn’t care what you do! Sure, I’m overstating to make my point. But in 1Cor 7:17 it says, “However that may be, let each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God called you.” This passage is primarily about marital and social status, framed with the belief that Jesus would be returning quickly, but nevertheless, the statement applies. Are you being faithful to God where you are? Why would changing your circumstances affect your ministry? May we be dissuaded from the myth that there is one single path that is God's will for your life. Love God now with all you've got, whatever you are doing, be it a gardener, a CEO, a new parent, unemployed. Our eternal job is to know God (John 17:3, John 6:28-29); everything else is temporary.
5. Nothing is permanent. You may do one thing for a long time, then you may do something else… While I could go on a dandy rant about how much "kids these days" don't understand commitment, I want to also say that saying yes to something does not doom you to 35 years of the same damn thing, day after day. I have had 3 long-term jobs in my adult life (11 years, 15 years, and now 4.5 years). Do not be afraid that if you commit to something that you're chained to it for the rest of your days.
6. Do what you want. I have known so many people in ministry, and one thing stands out to me – everyone who has lasted a long time in their role has totally wanted to do what they were doing. I believe God gave them that desire. We tend to think calling has to be something miserable, that you are dragged into it kicking and screaming. Let me be clear – I haven’t always been happy in the moment that I was doing something; but I have always wanted to do whatever I was doing, even when it was difficult. I’m not talking about feelings, I’m talking about convictions.

Concluding, I will quote another favorite writer, Frederick Buechner: "Vocation is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's deep need." How I pray those are freeing words for you.

Together

A relaxing weekend full of fun, rest, reading, and recreation was topped off by something work-related, but so fun nevertheless. I have just started my third summer with interns for the Free Methodist Church in Southern California, and tonight we had our first online training session. After far too much goofing around (and I can't complain about it, because I participated in it!) eleven interns and myself got down to business through Go-To Meeting, even though we were spread out from Santa Barbara to Long Beach to Escondido to Barstow. I love technology...

One of the books we are reading together is titled This We Believe by Will Willimon, and we started with these words from the Introduction: 

"Do not attempt theology at home! You can't do faithful Christian theology on your own— thinking about God is a group activity." 

We spent some time talking through this thought in light of what we would be doing together each week in our training. It set the stage for a tremendous hour and a half of spirited discussion (and laughter, of course) around several different topics. I was buzzing with energy when we signed off! It is part of why I really enjoy working with young adults -- their energy, questions, and earnest hope is so contagious. And it definitely keeps me feeling young.

I thought of our collective exercise in God-talk as I spent some time afterward chipping away at a whole other book entirely, one that has really got me wrapped around its finger. It's called The Bright Abyss: Meditation of a Modern Believer by Christian Wiman. I'm quite positive I'll be writing more about this book soon. I cannot even begin to sum up what it says, and it would be a great disservice to try. I will say that Wiman is saying things about faith, doubt, belief, grief and God that I have never encountered. Part of it could be due to the fact that though this is a book of essays, he is primarily a poet. His gift with language is frankly stunning for me at times. It is both thrilling, and daunting. Take a risk and read it for yourself. I really don't think you'll regret it.

ANYWAY... these two statements from the book hit me tonight:

Solitude is an integral part of any vital spiritual life, but spiritual experience that is solely solitary inevitably leads to despair.

In fact, as I've said, this is how you ascertain the truth of spiritual experience: it propels you back toward the world and other people, and not simply more deeply within yourself.

Chew on those for a few moments.

Tonight, during our intern training, I mentioned that the plan to "think about God as a group activity" makes sense especially in light of the fact that the Bible is what I call a "plural document." In other words, the Bible was not written to individuals; essentially, all of the "you's" in the Bible are in second-person plural. It is a community document, to be read (and listened to) in collective worship and study. Certainly, we benefit greatly as we read the Bible on our own. But we can never forget that it is addressed, from start to finish, to the people of God. I illustrated my point by taking a well-known passage from Philippians, asking them to hear it as it was written, addressing the entire church at Philippi:

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (1:3-6)

We all agreed that we have received those lovely words in a card or inscription in a book... and while they are personally inspiring, they take on incredible meaning when we think about them in terms of a community of believers. Because then, the inspiration comes in being so connected with God's people as he weaves and binds us together in this crazy process of growth and partnership. As Wiman tells us, we are moved from despair to truth, life and hope. Glory.

Fall Adventures 2012: Day Two

Yesterday I started what I hope will be some consecutive posts about the various projects I have spinning these days. I am beyond grateful at what God is bringing my way! His creativity and generous grace astound me. 

So in honor of "consecutive day" (10/11/12), here is my second, consecutive installment! (After a month of posting nothing, don't be impressed.)

To begin with, I will readily admit that some old friends of mine are allowed to chuckle that I have the Westmont logo posted here because I've always been one to tease pals about their fancy private Christian education, given that I spent my first twenty-two years at public institutions. To be a Christian in Santa Barbara just about inevitably means you will rub shoulders with Westmont in some way, shape, or form though. I cannot deny that a few times over the years I have had a frustration or two with in-jokes or shared memories that Westmont alums around me have shared in such a way that I felt was exclusive.

HOWEVER, I can happily say just as quickly that I have experienced so many great things from Westmont, mostly in the form of lovely people who graduated from there and went on to represent Christ and the Kingdom of God in amazing ways both big and small. I would venture to say that dozens of former youth leaders I have worked with have been influenced by Westmont, and I have known some remarkable faculty and staff.

And now, I am pretty darn surprised (and thankful) that I now actually find myself to be a paid (though extremely part-time) employee of Westmont. Who'd a thunk it? After three different Mayterms of teaching a five-week course on internships, the Religious Studies department asked me this summer to take on their RS190 internships elective. 

However, this decision was not confirmed till a month before school started this fall. Students had enrolled for their fall classes the previous spring, so the only way I could get some students to register for my course would be if they were willing to either pile onto their academic loads further or by dropping a course. Miraculously, on the first day of class (August 30), I had ten students in class! I was thrilled. Though the quickly joy abated just a bit as the "I hate to tell you this but..." emails rolled in. Pretty quickly some students came to realize they could not take the course for one reason or another, and by the second week, enrollment had whittled down to five. 

You don't hear me complaining though -- teaching five students is a dream. They are engaged in discussion, diligent in their reading, teachable in spirit, and relatively timely in completing their assignments :) It's a somewhat unconventional course in that it only meets for two hours once every two weeks, since the bulk of their time is to be spent at their actual internships. Two are serving in youth ministry, one is serving in a tremendous ministry that reaches out international students, and the last two are serving the poor on the Westside in a variety of ways. 

We are spending the semester integrating theology and practice in real settings, and our class discussions are great fun (for me at least). Slowly I am working through eight core competencies that I consider crucial for living out our faith in ministry settings. (Nope -- not gonna share 'em here. You need to take the class to find out what they are!) In these last years I have really discovered how much I want to equip and develop young believers in leadership principles. But I do not want to just inundate them with theories and aphorisms, sprinkled with some nice stories. Instead, I pray I am able to give tangible, compelling tools and a deep conviction to dive in and take some faith-filled risks.

Admittedly, I am also sad that due to the small enrollment I was not able to fill several internships that I sought out from colleagues around town, so I am praying that I will get another chance to teach this course. Nevertheless, I am not dwelling on that; rather, I'm maximizing my time up there as much as possible (aren't you surprised?). I have already had guest-taught in two other courses, and been invited to two more. And I served as the retreat speaker for the First-Year Retreat (AKA, freshmen). This was pure delight for me! I am still hearing from students I met on that retreat, asking to meet for lunch or coffee. Pinch me, I'm dreaming.

I share all this, hopefully not sounding like humblebrag. I am truly stunned at what I am getting to do. These verses from my morning reading today sum it up well:

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord

    and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank,

    with roots that reach deep into the water.

Such trees are not bothered by the heat

    or worried by long months of drought.

Their leaves stay green,

    and they never stop producing fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

As I noted yesterday, I rejoice in how these opportunities are allowing me to thrive in so many ways... I feel like a sturdy little tree with roots going down deep, and am blessed by God's persistent love and grace.

Westmont Mayterm class

Well, I've been teaching my class for a week, so I wanted to give you a brief update on what we've been doing...

I've got 11 students, and they are serving in a cool variety of ways:

• Habitat for Humanity - supporting the staff and learning how a local chapter runs
• Providence Hall High School (2 interns) - student teaching
• Local churches (2 interns) - one student is leading the 5th/6th ministry, another is assisting with church worship and music for children
• A Rocha creation care ministry (2 interns) - these students are reviving the organic garden on campus at Westmont (located behind the tennis courts). The goal is to grow some produce for families in need and also offer a hands-on gardening experience for the children of those families
• The Village (3 interns) - this is a tremendous project on Santa Barbara's Westside. The Turner Foundation purchased a large and crowded apartment complex that was rundown and full of "activity" that was not safe for families. They renovated the apartments and interviewed each new tenant family in order to cultivate "buy in" on the goals of the community. During Westmont's Spring Break this year 45 students served for a week there, running after school Kids Club, installing a play structure, painting and repairing areas of the building, praying daily throughout the neighborhood. Out of that group several students opted to remain for the summer to maintain some of the ministries they started, and 3 of them took my course.
• Arts outreach - one Fine Arts major is shaping an arts outreach program that I hope to continuously staff with art students from Westmont. As more and more elective programs get cut from school budgets, we hope to still let children at The Village experience the arts and see how God designed us to be creative.

We are studying various aspects (both practical and theological) of ministry that I have learned over the years. So far we have talked about incarnational witness, relational ministry, and how to preach the gospel with words and authenticity.

One of the more exciting goals for me in this class is not only to serve local ministries by training and providing gifted students to them, but to also help these ministries work together. We plan to have the Westside interns bring their Latino youth up to the A Rocha garden to work at it. I also hope that interns from Providence Hall can bring students to work at the garden, and in turn meet the Westside... We've also talked about bringing in the church interns from this class to meet the children at the Village and invite them to youth group activities... This warms my little networking heart :)

Many thanks to those of you who have prayed for me about this class and asked me about it. I'm enjoying the adventure of it, and trusting that Jesus will open doors if he wants me to continue in the fall.

I was reading this morning in 1 John 2 in the Message, and these words stood out most:

Stay with what you heard from the beginning, the original message. Let it sink into your life. If what you heard from the beginning lives deeply in you, you will live deeply in both Son and Father. This is exactly what Christ promised: eternal life, real life!