Saying Goodbye, Saying Hello

If Monday's reading from Henri Nouwen was eerie, today's is downright uncanny:

When we lose a dear friend, someone we have loved deeply, we are left with a grief that can paralyse us emotionally for a long time. People we love become part of us. Our thinking, feeling and acting are co-determined by them: Our fathers, our mothers, our husbands, our wives, our lovers, our children, our friends ... they are all living in our hearts. When they die a part of us has to die too. That is what grief is about: It is that slow and painful departure of someone who has become an intimate part of us. When Christmas, the new year, a birthday or anniversary comes, we feel deeply the absence of our beloved companion. We sometimes have to live at least a whole year before our hearts have fully said good-bye and the pain of our grief recedes. But as we let go of them they become part of our "members" and as we "re-member" them, they become our guides on our spiritual journey.

These Bible passages on friendship flesh things out even more for me, and undergird what Nouwen says:

Friends love through all kinds of weather,
and families stick together in all kinds of trouble. (Proverbs 17:17)

Friends come and friends go,
but a true friend sticks by you like family. (Proverbs 18:24)

By yourself you're unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Again, we rejoice and we weep at losing Claire's dear, earnest friendship. Know that this loss will not fade quickly -- and that is a good thing. It shows us that her impact was full and far-reaching. We learned about what it means to be a friend from her. As the wounds settle a bit, we can reach out to others more, and live on with integrity and compassion. God will use this time to shape us, if we receive it.