Sept 2019 Update: Pastors in the 21st Century, Prosperity and Pursuit of the Good Life

I heard an argument on a podcast today between a woman who claimed that September 1 signals the end of summer, while someone else insisted on the Autumnal Equinox.  All I know is that #PSL is already available at Starbucks, so there you have it!

I had a GREAT August full of bike rides, travels, fresh produce and interesting work. As always, I came across many outstanding resources I want to share with you.

What is the Good Life? I went to a tremendous conference at Pepperdine University hosted by the Yale Center for Faith & Culture titled "Pedagogy of the Good Life." (Here's an article about the Center from the Huffington Post.) 

Turns out there are several amazing courses being taught around the country that explore the question, "What is the Good Life?" I believe this is our most pressing task for the church (creating dialogue and discipleship around this question). So many young adults I know are asking some form of this question. Will the Church be brave enough to truly engage this sort of dialogue? That's what I wanted to explore at this conference, and I was not disappointed. I found the discussions and presentations throughout the week utterly riveting. Here are just a smidgen of the resources I found:

• Life Worth Living curriculum. The faculty generously make their syllabus available publicly. Truly, I find their approach really intriguing. And it is the MOST popular class at Yale; so many students want to take this class that they have to actually require applications for taking the course! Here is the 7-week course they've created for adults as well. 
• God and the Good Life. An equally amazing course (and just as popular) is being taught at Notre Dame. First of all, the tech design of this syllabus is breathtaking! Think about adapting this and using it with a small group or perhaps even (gasp!) as a sermon series. I love the home page of this course as well.
• Let Me Ask You a Question. This book was written by Matthew Croasmun, one of the creators of the Life Worth Living course at Yale. Bottom line: I BELIEVE in this book as a truly outstanding discipleship tool. Just buy it and try it out.

The Challenge of Being a Pastor in a Secular Age. The third sentence of this article caught my attention: "'I’ve been a pastor for 15 years, and most days I have no idea what I’m doing. It makes me nauseous,' he continued." I have had that conversation with so. many. pastors. The article continues: "He’s not alone. I find myself talking with more and more pastors stricken with uneasy nausea and fatigue that they can’t name. It’s as though their calling has been stripped of meaning... We now live in a time where the very idea that God is real and present in our lives is no longer accepted. Indeed, it’s widely contested. Belief has been made fragile -- for the pastor as much as for those in the pews." This article won't solve our existential questions, but I find great encouragement in seeing them put into words.

A New Kind of Prosperity Gospel. I am fascinated by how our world is seeking to scratch our need for meaning and purpose. Recently I came across two articles that examine this in very interesting ways. Check this quote from Relevant Magazine: "The Prosperity Gospel is no longer houses, cars, money and health. The New Prosperity Gospel is a hip city and a follower count that ends with a K." The other article was in the New York Times: The New Spiritual Consumerism. We MUST stay attuned to our culture. These articles are helpful roadmaps.

Books I'm Reading. Other than seeing some BEAUTIFUL places (this was the view from the AirB&B I stayed at in Maine with my best friend!) and eating some great food (hello lobster and Whoopie Pies!), my favorite vacation activity is the freedom to read to my heart's content. Here are some of the things I've been reading:

• How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram Kendi. Very thought-provoking and provocative at the same time. The New Yorker also did a fascinating article about it.
• Enneagram Transformations: Releases and Affirmations for Healing Your Personality Type by Don Richard Riso. Yep, I'm on the Enneagram bandwagon. I've been riding it for a couple of years and finding it tremendously helpful for my own spiritual formation. I bought the $1.99 Kindle version of this but can't currently find it.
• Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers by Anne Lamott. She never fails to make me laugh out loud AND journal at the same time.
• An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor. Fondly called "BBT" by many, I found this a great devotional read.

Final thoughts. These words are remaining with me still despite reading them several days ago. Let them sink in:

What is in ruins? The invisible church, composed of all Spirit-baptized persons, is indefectible, it cannot be ruined; against it "the gates of Hades shall not prevail." The local assembly may indeed be sadly ruined; but it can be restored, as, by the grace of God, has been seen times without number--at Corinth, for example. The only other institution in question is that agglomeration of sects that is called "Christendom." But that is unrecognized by the New Testament--it is not of God at all: and that it is "in ruins" is no matter for our regret.

    ... G. H. Lang (1874-1958)

Feel free to pass this along to friends, and reach out to me with questions or feedback at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. Happy end of Summer 2019 ~ may your fall be a lovely one!

August 2019 Resources: Attendance, Academia, Apps & Addiction to Power

Hope your summer has offered respites from work in some new and surprising ways. I got home late last night from the Rose Bowl, where a bunch of us reveled in the victory tour of the US Women's National Soccer Team. It was a hoot, and I celebrated halfway through with a bacon-wrapped hot dog! #noshame

In the midst of fun has been plenty of work too, and here are some great resources I've stumbled upon during those times.

How to attend a conference without feeling overwhelmed. In mid-July I participated in an international, quadrennial conference for my denomination in Orlando, Florida. The heat was oppressive and the air conditioning cranked on overload, but what was most challenging was the multi-tasking! Between the "how-are-you's" and meetings and over-stimulation of twice-daily worship times, I felt flooded as I tried to also serve as a delegate for important discussions around racism, poverty and injustice AND run a 3-day focus group on leadership development.  Some of the suggestions in this article didn't apply to my experience (I couldn't NOT stay at the conference hotel), but I give a giant YES and HALLELUJAH to the third suggestion of planning for downtime. This is a gamechanger. I repeat, GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO NOT GO TO EVERYTHING. I have another conference this week (in Malibu, CA, thankyouverymuch) and I've already mapped out my breaks. #justdoit.

Jesus, Judaism & Christianity. I am always on the hunt for more academic input to keep those intellectual, theological and spiritual juices flowing. This is a fascinating interview from a Jewish NT scholar who teaches at a seminary, on interpreting the Jewishness of Jesus. And while you're in learning mode, listen as well to this informative podcast from Harvard Business Review on the history of US involvement in Central America titled The Controversial History of United Fruit. It helps to explain the massive instability now existing in Central America and explains some of the reasons for the migrant crisis south of our border. It is crucial that we understand and educate others about the context around this huge and divisive issue.

These 5 free apps make it easy to improve your writing. I finished teaching a class in June at Westmont College and was reminded once again that the majority of people do not know how to write coherent sentences. (Yes, I'm a snobby former-and-eternal English major.) But being a good writer is a commitment, and there are some great resources available here.

Power & Wise Boundaries. I just listened to this yesterday from Pete Scazzero. Apparently there is a worksheet available with it (he explains that at the beginning). I would HIGHLY recommend this for a staff meeting or mentoring.

Quotes that moved me this month.

“The one journey that ultimately matters is the journey into the place of stillness deep within one’s self. To reach that place is to be at home; to fail to reach it is to be forever restless. In contemplation we catch a vision of not only what is, but what can be. Contrary to what we have thought, contemplatives are the great doers." 

--Gordon Cosby, Founder of Church of the Saviour

"In his spiritual classic Abandonment to Divine Providence, Jean-Pierre de Caussade wrote that the single most important concern of the soul is to seek and accept the present moment." 

--Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits 

"Our union with God--his presence with us, in which our aloneness is banished and the meaning and full purpose of human existence is realized -- consists chiefly in a conversational relationship with God while we are each consistently and deeply engaged as his friend and co-laborer in the affairs of the kingdom of the heavens." 

--Dallas Willard 

Blessings to you! Feel free to pass this along to others. Contact me at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me with questions or comments. 

 

 

 

I'm Back! Resources for July 2019

I have allowed this website to go dormant for a while as I have been developing resources in leadership development for my marketplace consulting clients. You can find that website at KS Leadership Development.

Nevertheless, I am still working with some churches and want to share some great stuff I've been reading and using. Here goes!

The Benefits of Brokenness. A dear friend and colleague of mine turned me on to this author's website quite a while ago. I really value his reflections and often uses resources with my marketplace clients as well. He has a great understanding of holistic, healthy, humble leadership. I especially liked his references to "leadership with a limp" in this post.

Centering Prayer with Cynthia Borgeault. I listen to podcasts like it's my job. Seriously, I probably listen to at least three a day. I can be brushing my teeth, exercising, or making dinner, and I will be listening to a podcast. This one comes from one of my favorites and I will confess that I might like it just because the hosts are British and I'm a sucker for accents. But this particular interview has stayed with me for quite a while.

Embracing a Post-Christian America. When I am not listening to podcasts I can often be thinking about what it means to work with younger generations. If you know me at all you know that I have spent my entire career working with young people directly, first as a youth pastor and then as a college instructor. I really feel like the American church is missing the boat with this generation and it breaks my heart. This particular blog is one that I follow to help stir the pot in terms of my thinking. He wrote an intriguing book a few years ago titled The New Copernicans.  I think it does a good job of exploring the mindset of younger adults and cultural trends globally.

What am I reading? Like my podcasts, I tend to work on more than one book at a time. Here is what is cooking:

• The Prophetic Imagination by Walter Brueggemann. A stunning classic written 40 years ago that has aged very well. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it is still quite prophetic.
• When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions by Sue Monk Kidd.  Not the most profound book I've ever read, but really thoughtful and tender-hearted. I'm using it in my devotional reading in the mornings. I like it.
• The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois. I took a challenge from the theologian and sociologist Soong Chan Rah at a conference a few years ago to be intentional about reading from non-white writers and theologians.  This is all part of that journey. I can't wait to get started on this one.

Thanks for reading. Send me your thoughts, feedback and questions at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me.

The Art of Mentoring, Part One

I have been asked to provide a workshop on mentoring in the 21st century for an upcoming conference in March, so in I decided to post two simple questions on Facebook in preparation:

Have you been mentored well? 

What were some of the qualities of that mentoring relationship that were most effective?

Frankly, I am surprised that I did this because in the past, I have posted questions on Facebook, and despite having 1,800+ "friends," have received minimal response. (Then again, I get the most likes and commentary for an occasional photo of my cat, so...)  

Nevertheless, I have been greatly encouraged by the depth and quality of feedback these latest questions have prompted. The variety has been wonderful: both men and women responded in equal measure, from fresh college grads to septuagenarians.

Some pithy quotes:

 The person thought me capable of more than I thought I was.

They lived and let me watch them do it.

Vulnerability and authenticity for sure. The ability to be myself. Both encouragement and critique -- always refining what can be better while affirming what I'm doing well. Sometimes I need to be pushed!

Regular quantity and quality time—holistic in nature: we discussed everything (faith, theology, marriage, work, plumbing, gardening, etc).

In this stage of life for me (young kids and plenty of chaos at home) I have seen the “walk along side of me” way become really meaningful.

I enjoyed each and every response, but my greatest takeaway was simple: clearly I had touched a chord. The earnest and beautiful replies demonstrated a great thankfulness and affection for their mentors. It was obvious that the mentoring had met and deep and tangible needs:

• to be loved unconditionally; 
• to be known;
• to be noticed; 
• to be believed in; 
• to be challenged;
• to have mutual vulnerability and exchange;
• to have a consistent presence.

Having been mentored well myself, and then having had the privilege of mentoring others over three decades, my most pressing questions relate to what is needed now in mentoring (especially with young adults), and what truths remain constant. All too often I see leaders tend to lean on methods and approaches that worked effectively in the past without examining whether current dynamics and contexts require new pathways.

I will save that for another post, as I keep mining the wisdom of others and reflect more on my own experience. Feel free to post your thoughts.

Soif Work Hacks. October 2017

Hey Friends, the gap between now and my last post gives an indication that I have been keeping busy doing something besides blogging! I'm happy to report that I continue to be gainfully employed in a wide variety of ways, all of which are interesting and fulfilling.

I have especially received more opportunities to assist clients with leadership development. What does this look like? Meeting with executives to help them map out their management and leadership more strategically; training younger employees in how to lead teams; partnering with companies in creating smarter structures internally...

I could not have predicted this new trajectory of work, but I'm loving it! In the midst of it all, I am working hard to maintain a bank of useful (as opposed to #wasteoftime or #totallyobvious) articles that touch on many of the topics that come up in my client conversations.

So here are a few articles from that treasure trove. Hope you find one or two useful! If you want to share any feedback or ask follow-up questions, email me at ksleadershipdevelopment@gmail.com. Ciao for now.

These To-Do List Methods Will Help You Finally Get Organized. I got this article from Fast Company magazine and honestly, I should list that as a separate hack! I find this magazine engaging, readable and a great way to keep up on cultural, technological and professional trends (though I'll admit I sometimes don't even understand what they're talking about!) There are not one but NINE different to-do list methods given here... c'mon! How can you go wrong? This is one of the main conversations I have with clients: HOW DO I GET EVERYTHING DONE AND STILL HAVE A LIFE?! Check out this list - I'm a fan of #4 and #6, personally.

Stop Letting Email Control Your Work Day. Yep, I could list Harvard Business Review as another magazine hack. And the best shortcut is hbr.org -- their blogs are actually helpful. As for email, I know, I know... it's a necessary evil in our lives. But let's be honest, I like email better than talking on the phone! So repeat after me: "Email is not evil... Email is my friend." This article breaks it down and helps you get the power back. This sentence says it all: "Clearly, we need to learn to make email work for us and re-frame it as a tool for executing on our priorities."

How to Work from Home When You Have Kids. I work from home and have done so for many years... before it was cool, even. BUT I only have two needy cats, not children! I often encourage clients to look into creating some space at home for concentrated "head down" work, where they won't get interrupted by colleagues popping in or ever-present requests to come to yet another meeting, and many have found it helpful. HOWEVER, if you have children, this requires some strategy. Hope this article provides some pointers.

21st Century Fundraising Realities. Many of my clients are in the non-profit world, where I have spent the bulk of my career. This one's for you ! But to quote Bob Dylan, the times, they are a-changing. As this article states, "Donors appear to want to be more directly involved and many gravitate to smaller groups where it might seem like their dollar goes further." This article highlights many of the new trends in fundraising. Have no fear, there is hope.

How to Manage Someone Who Thinks Everything is Urgent. Hey, I feel your pain. I had a client years ago who described her boss as a "hair-on-fire" sort of leader. She dreaded his emails, texts and meetings. If you have to work with someone like this, there are some good ideas here to help you cope.

Not Good Leadership Material? Good. The World Needs Followers. I totally dig this article! It's written by Susan Cain, who gained some fame in writing a book last year titled "Quiet" about being an introvert. As someone who has spent nearly her entire life trying to understand what "leadership" is all about, from running senior prom to running a private school to training seventy adult volunteers to training interns, I never plumb the depths of all there is to learn about leadership. This article names a very important aspect of leadership: followership! Not only does Cain provide some valuable insights regarding the ways we are all gifted differently, but she also shines a light on our celebrity-obsessed, power-worshipping culture. Don't skip it.

Strengths Finder Frequency. There's a good chance if I've had you as a client that I've talked about Strengths Finder with you. It never fails to provide excellent information on how you work and how others might get things done. This is a fun and useful chart that describes the overall frequency of each of the strengths among the millions who have taken the Strengths Finder assessment. Let me know if you want me to "translate" this chart. Enjoy!

I'll end with this: I'm reading Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr right now. It's a fantastic and humbling collection of his sermons. This quote stopped me cold last night:

Why should we love our enemies? The first reason is fairly obvious.

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness

to a night already devoid of stars.

Pause. Reflect. Act.

In any given week my clients range across a wonderful spectrum: small business owners, college administrators (presidents, provosts, deans), denominational leaders, executive directors of non-profits, pastors, and sometimes just someone in their mid-thirties trying to navigate a career change. While their contexts vary widely (from the Pacific Northwest, Chicago, St. Louis, Phoenix, all over Southern California), and their responsibilities span from a struggling church of 75 to managing a multi-million dollar budget, invariably I find one thing in common: each person is nearly overwhelmed by the variety of tasks and voices clamoring for their attention. Stress levels are high, imaginary scenarios of quitting everything, buying a van and living off the land are toyed with (#vanlife), and meanwhile email inboxes pile higher every day.

When I come on the scene, I start by spending a great deal of time listening, trying to take in all their concerns and crises, roadblocks and risks, and details and dilemmas. Once that happens, we slowly work together to map a plan forward. Rather than "solve" everything for them, my greater goal is to equip them with some tools for managing the many demands differently. Sure, we do assessments, mind-maps, SWOT analyses, strategic plans and all that, but my job is not finished if I have not had the more important conversation of all: do you have margin in your life? In other words, do you regularly (read, "consistently," "weekly") take time to reflect on your life's purpose, relationships, career and questions?

If this is a whole new concept or things are seriously sideways, I often recommend that a person reads the book Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard Swenson. It really helps someone sort through the seemingly hopeless tangle of responsibilities and fears surrounding a stressed-out life. 

If reading a book seems like too much to take on, I read an article today that is a great start: Why You Should Make the Time for Self-Reflection (Even If You Hate Doing It) from Harvard Business Review. Here is a thoughtful paragraph that comes early on:

At its simplest, reflection is about careful thought. But the kind of reflection that is really valuable to leaders is more nuanced than that. The most useful reflection involves the conscious consideration and analysis of beliefs and actions for the purpose of learning. Reflection gives the brain an opportunity to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning. This meaning becomes learning, which can then inform future mindsets and actions. For leaders, this “meaning making” is crucial to their ongoing growth and development.

I am hoping this has won you over into reading the article because it's good (and did I mention it's brief?!). But if you're still coming up with evasive excuses like, "I don't run my own business," or "I'm not really a leader..." I want to stop you up short by slightly modifying the author's list of ways to inch into habits of reflection. Use these questions to start:

What are you avoiding?

How are you helping your friends/family achieve their goals?

How are you not helping or even hindering their progress?

How might you be contributing to your least enjoyable relationship?

How could you have been more clear in a recent conversation/argument?

We live in a noisy world where we can be over-stimulated, distracted, and bored all at the same time. One of the great tragedies of this is that a person is left not even knowing what they think or feel. So before I try to "fix" whatever problem my clients are having, I know it is far better to ask them how they are doing and how we might work together to help them build some self-awareness, self-discipline and self-care. 

Yeah, I'll admit it: that's a lot of "self's." But for me it's analogous to the safety drill on the airplane. (You know where this is going...) Please put the mask on yourself before you try to be everyone else's hero. As the HBR article concludes:

Ask for help. For most leaders, a lack of desire, time, experience, or skill can get in the way of reflection.  Consider working with a colleague, therapist, or coach to help you make the time, listen carefully, be a thought partner, and hold you accountable.

I agree. Turn off your device right now and go do it....

A Treasure Hidden in the Field

For this summer, one of my main tasks has been to do some reading, research and long-term planning related to strategic initiatives in youth ministry and education with the Free Methodist Church in Southern California. Last week I read a book titled Bonhoeffer as Youthworker and it fed me in a multitude of ways. The first section (the majority of the book, really) is a fascinating, very readable biography of Bonhoeffer that especially focuses on the fact that he worked with young people for the majority of his career, and how that shaped his writing and calling.

What I was reminded of so powerfully throughout was Bonhoeffer's classic teaching from Cost of Discipleship, a book I first read in my impressionable 20's. So I am slowly going back and reviewing some of his writing (Life Together as well), which are having new meaning for me as I pray about reformation in the church (especially in the US) as we approach the 500th anniversary of the Reformation on Oct 31, 2017.

Rather than wax pathetically on all this, I will simply invite you to cook on Bonhoeffer's words yourself. Allow yourself some time to let them sink in, stir the pot, perhaps trouble you. They certainly have had that effect on me.

Cheap grace means grace sold on the market like cheapjacks' wares. The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices. Grace is represented as the Church's inexhaustible treasury, from which she showers blessings with generous hands, without asking questions or fixing limits. Grace without price; grace without cost! The essence of grace, we suppose, is that the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing. Since the cost was infinite, the possibilities of using and spending it are infinite. What would grace be if it were not cheap?... 

Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate. 

Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will go and sell all that he has. It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods. It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him. 

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock. 

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: "ye were bought at a price," and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God. 

When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.

Side note: in more than one conversation, friends and clients have commented on the struggle to make time to read. I am with you on this. Here's a practical article on how to make it happen.