I Saw What I Saw

Yesterday I was riding my bike and listening to my iPod on shuffle.

Normally I just enjoy songs I know, think and pray about my day, make sure I don't get hit by drivers who don't look for cyclists...

But this day a song decided to laser in deep. You know what I mean... You're listening to a song you've heard many times before, but that day the words and the music work together to put your feelings in a blender.

The song is titled I Saw What I Saw by Sara Groves. Now viewing it as a YouTube video, I see that it was inspired by a trip she made to Rwanda. Watching the video takes me back to my Guatemala trips, and even my years with Kids' Club on the Eastside right here.

But the lyrics find me where I am right now as well, still walking through the first weeks of grief for my friend Claire. One line in particular is what is staying with me still:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

>> Your pain has changed me <<
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

I had breakfast with a friend this past weekend who also knew Claire very well. While this was a horrible experience, he said, he wouldn't have traded it for anything. We both agreed: the horror of walking with someone into death changes you. I am a better person because of it. As the song says, her pain has changed me. My understanding of courage, faith, love and eternity were stretched and expanded... your courage asks me what I'm afraid of ... I am now more readily touched and affected by the pain of those around me... Something on the road, touched my very soul... I am more willing to sit and listen, and not try to fix or solve.

More than anything, I am reminded that nothing else in our day-to-day grind is really that important. Stress is irrelevant. A student brought up this passage in class this morning -- oh how I love the earnest faith of high school students. It tells me what is truly real:

How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
"Your God reigns!" (Isaiah 52:7)

Hallelujah.