Living in the Present is Hard to Do

Hum today's title to the tune of "Breaking Up is Hard to Do..." :)

Sorry, that's really lame.

I am at such an intriguing period in my life. I have always lived in the context of a full schedule with a big pile of responsibilities, a ton of relationships to manage, and a long-range calendar.

But since November 08, during my sabbatical and now in this time of waiting and exploring in terms of "what's next?" in my calling and career, I am now living one day at a time. It is as if I was driving 65 mph on the freeway, and was somehow able to shift the car into reverse. After coming to a screeching halt with a lot of dust and noise, the car is slowly moving, creeking and crunching, in this new direction.

Today's reading in my Diary of Readings begins to touch on what this about-face feels like... it's written by some priest who died in 1751 named Jean Pierre de Caussade:

Let us then think only of the present and follow the order of God, let us leave the past to His mercy, the future to Providence, striving peaceably all the time and without anxiety, first of all for salvation; and for the rest, let us leave its success entirely to God, casting on His parental bosom all our vain anxieties….

This says to me that I cannot keep dwelling on "what if's"... I have to trust in God's plans, and not try to make things "work" or "succeed" on my own power.

Happy the persons who, in order to become more recollected in God and more disposed to prayer, are able to banish constantly all this waste of the spirit, retaining only what is in the strictest sense necessary for the present which so soon passes, and for the future which will not be what one imagines and perhaps will never come.

Quit wasting your time on worry and trying to change things you cannot change. Peel away the fluff and the junk that you fill your time with, and simplify. Be prepared for things to not turn out the way you expect them to - be open to God's imagination, which is far better than yours.

I looked up de Caussade's bio online, and it said he was a spiritual director for a community of nuns. This is the sort of advice he would give to them:

De Caussade's perennial advice was to welcome whatever was given in the present moment as flowing directly from God. Such abandonment to God is the heart of the spiritual life. And though we might not always get the things we want, we will have peace. Why? For God is peace, and we will always have God, who is our innermost being.

That just makes my head hurt trying to understand it. But I am thankful that the Spirit slowly peels back the layers of meaning in my soul. May it be so during this time of my life -- and always.